Heart vs Brain
by BrittJK
Summary: Morgan has a theory: Once the intersect messes with your brain, it messes with how your heart and brain communicate. Will they ever communicate again? A love story where both parties are already in love - only one's mind can't realize it yet. Post Finale.
1. Chapter 1

If you read my stories, you know how these things happen. Inspiration hits and I just write out the first chapter, and usually it goes from there.

Definite finale spoilers here, it starts immediately where the show ended off. Because it was ambiguous, this is my take.

Also, yes, you can say part of this is based off of the movie "The Vow" (which I haven't seen yet but looks amazing). Basically Chuck needs to make Sarah fall in love with him again.

Not sure if this will be a oneshot or more, but you guys can decide that I guess.

Disclaimer: I own none of it. If I did, it wouldn't have ended at all let alone in the way it did. (Although I did love the ending, just not so much the ambiguousness of it).

* * *

><p>Heart vs. Brain - Chapter 1?<p>

* * *

><p>Sarah smiles, leaning into the kiss. She feels the soft grains of sand on her feet, a contrast to Chuck's rough hands moving over her cheek. She breathes in, smelling something uniquely him that sends a spark down her body.<p>

She knows she must have felt this way before, felt in love. But for some reason her mind won't keep up with her heart or her body, the latter two are urging Sarah to deepen the kiss and pull the adorable nerd towards her.

The brain wins out though, Sarah slowly shifting herself out of the kiss. She looks down at the sand and smiles up at Chuck through her eyelashes. The glow she receives from his face is breathtaking, almost enough to make Sarah lean in for another kiss.

"Did it work?" He asks, anticipation and hope written all over his face.

She smiles and looks down again, but shakes her head no. When she looks back up, his face has fallen. Her hand moves of its own accord, cradling his cheek. Her fingers curve in as Chuck leans his chin into her hand.

"I don't remember… yet. But, I think I could. Soon."

Again the dazzling smile is back, and Sarah realizes why she had fallen for this man once before. The bright shine in his eyes, that adorable smile, the never-ending hope.

"Did you feel anything?" Again, his face is filled with anticipation.

Sarah averts her eyes, trying to hold back a smile and that is all Chuck needs to get his answer.

They both turn back to face the ocean, staring out into the vast blue waves. The tide wades in and out, and Sarah focuses on just watching it move. Constant, steady, never wondering what to do next. She wishes she could be as strong and confident as that tide. She knows once she was, but for spy things. When it comes to love, she is lost.

"So what now?" Sarah asks, breaking the silence.

"Now, you trust me." Chuck replies, leaning over and bumping his shoulder into hers.

Sarah looks over and bumps back, pushing a little harder and almost knocking Chuck over into the sand.

"Okay, that is not fair. I was not expecting that."

They both smile at each other, Chuck leaning in a bit more. Sarah quickly averts her eyes and turns back to the ocean. Too much, too fast.

"And this… trust. What am I trusting you on?"

"I believe you misunderstand the word trust, Sarah."

Another beat. The tide continues to wade in and out. Sarah's mind and heart continue to battle with each other as well. One desperately wanting to run away, to hide, to have a moment alone to comprehend all she has learnt in the past few hours. The other wanting to lean in and kiss the nerd beside her again and never let go. But how can her heart feel this way when her mind can't remember the whole falling in love bit?

"Chuck, I-" Sarah starts, just as Chuck turns and says, "Sarah, look."

They both stop, blushing. Chuck motions for Sarah to start talking again, miming a zipper on his lips which makes the blond giggle.

"Chuck. Everything you just told me. It sounds… amazing. And I know somewhere inside of me I remember," She looks down again, a hand unknowingly wandering up to her chest to cover her heart. "But in my mind I am still five years ago. It's like-"

"Like your heart and your brain can't communicate properly." Chuck answers for her.

"Yeah. Exactly. How? How did you know that?"

Chuck sighs. "Remember when I told you about Morgan and the Intersect? Well, after we got it out of him, that's how he described what had happened when he broke up with Alex. His brain said break up, but his heart said no. Unfortunately the brain usually wins out."

"Morgan is really smart sometimes."

Chuck nods, not sure how to reply.

"Chuck, I might not be the Sarah you fell in love with anymore…" She stops, turning away from Chuck. "I don't remember falling in love, or our wedding, or most of what you remember. But I remember writing our names in the wall of that house. And I could remember more if you give me time. If I felt that way once, I think…" She pauses, turning to look at Chuck. "I could feel that way again. Someday."

"Someday." Chuck repeats, smiling.

They sit in silence after that, neither wanting to move away from the beach and the safety it provides. No one to judge, no one to try to kill them. Just two people sitting together and talking about trust, and life, and love. They stay that way and watch as the sun sets. Something inside Sarah desperately wants to lean into Chuck's side, to curl up with him and watch nature's beauty. Something else keeps her rigid on the beach, only moving to stretch her legs out onto the sand. She is really understanding Morgan's heart-brain theory right now.

As the sun sets, and the beach gets darker, Chuck wonders aloud, "Sarah, do you know when someday will be?"

Sarah smiles at the question, turning back to look through the dark haze of twilight at Chuck's questioning face.

"Someday is… someday. But we could start working towards there now, can't we?"

Chuck smiles again, letting out a breath of air he didn't realize he was holding in. "We can definitely start now." He pauses for a moment. "Can I kiss you again?"

"I think I can manage that." Sarah answers, her mind intrigued and a little nervous while her heart pounds happily in her chest.

When their lips meet this time, it is Sarah who prompts Chuck to open his mouth, Sarah her lets her tongue explore his. It doesn't feel like any kiss she has felt before, or at least any kiss she remembers feeling. It's different than Bryce, different than when she is on a mission. A hand slowly moves up her back, dipping underneath her shirt and leaving a scorching line of pleasure up Sarah's back. This feels… Sarah stops, pulling back quickly.

"What? What is it? Is something wrong?" Chuck asks, fear on his face. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, no," Sarah replies, trying to catch her breath. "Just, too much. Too fast."

Chuck nods. "Okay, Chuck, keep in mind. Next time you kiss your wife, don't get too handsy."

Sarah lets out a small laugh, unable to control herself. Her mind curses itself for laughing but her heart begs for more.

"It's getting dark, we should go home." Chuck says, standing up in the sand then holding out a hand to help Sarah up as well.

She avoids his hand, placing one of her own on the sandy beach to help herself up. Chuck looks down at his hand then promptly tucks it into his pocket. Sarah can tell he is upset by her actions, but something in her just can't love this man yet. Something in her isn't convinced to let him take care of her.

"Home?" Sarah asks once Chuck seems to have found his bearings again. "Chuck, I don't know if…" She lets her sentence die there, the crestfallen look on Chuck's face hitting that nerve in her heart again. "I mean if…"

"I could sleep on the couch." Chuck suggests. "Or in Morgan's old room."

"I don't know Chuck…" Sarah says, picking her shoes up from their spot on the sand.

"Please? I just… you loved me once. I know you can feel it. Just give me a chance to show you why again."

Sarah turns back to look at the waters, now completely black with the night sky. The starts twinkle in the darkness, each one trying to lead Sarah in a different direction. She heard Chuck's story, their story. And she wants to feel that way again, to have someone to love and trust unconditionally. But can she choose the right star to lead her to the right location?

"Promise you won't come in and try anything before I'm ready?" She asks, turning back to face Chuck.

"Pinky promise, cross my heart, swear on the life of my Star Wars collectibles."

Sarah eyes Chuck weirdly on that last comment, but nods. "I guess I could try living at your place."

"At our place." Chuck corrects.

"Right." She smiles, leading him back towards the road. "But don't expect me to fall in love with you in a day, Chuck."

"Oh, you underestimate the Bartowski charm, my lady." Chuck replies, desperately wanting to grab Sarah and kiss her but knowing he should take his time for her sake.

"Ha!" Sarah answers with a laugh, shaking her head as they walk off towards their new beginning.

"Hey Sarah?" Chuck asks, stopping her from getting into the Nerd Herd vehicle parked on the road.

"Yeah?" She asks, turning to face Chuck.

"What are you doing tomorrow night?"

"Why?"

"I'd like to ask you out on a date."

Sarah smiles wryly at Chuck, a smile slowly beginning to form on his face as well. Oh yes, she is definitely going to enjoy falling in love with this man again.

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading my little plot bunny. I wanted to post this before everyone else posted the same thing!<p>

Viva la Chuck, Goodbye Chuck, Nerd Herd Forever, Goodbye Beard. I will miss it forever but we will always be friends.

Let me know what you think. Reviews are pretty. So is your face. And Yvonne Strahovski.

Now lets all cry together! ?More to come perhaps maybe in the future?

Love BrittJK


	2. Chapter 2

So yes, darn plot bunnies that turn into stories. This is how it always happens, isn't it?

My plan for this story is about 4-8ish chapters. Basically Chuck and Sarah refalling in love. But it won't all be hugs and puppies because I can't just make everything go smoothly, right? I have a few things planned out, and a few things I will probably make up on the fly. But I apologize because exams are starting up so I really won't get anything else out until after February 16th in which I am done all my pre-reading week exams.

If there is anything you want to see happen with Chuck and Sarah falling in love again (well, Sarah falling in love again), let me know and I'll see if it fits with my story plan. But I do want to thank every person who read this and review it and made my day/week/Chuck ending sadness into happiness and super amazing. I appreciate every single one of you, and just want you to know that I do read all of them even if I don't reply, and each time I get that little "1" in my inbox I squeal a little because you guys actually enjoyed my writing.

Okay enough talking, let's get to the story!

Disclaimer: I don't have enough money to buy the rights to Chuck. And if I did I definitely wouldn't be studying for a Biochem exam on Valentine's Day!

* * *

><p>Heart vs. Mind - Chapter 2<p>

* * *

><p>To say that first evening together again was awkward would be the understatement of the year. Sure, Sarah knew where almost everything was without really thinking. But then there was the time she was changing into pajamas and Chuck accidentally entered the bedroom to get a pair of pajama pants of his own. Or when Sarah forgot to brush her teeth and accidentally walked in on Chuck using the washroom. Or how Chuck forgot something else from his bedroom and tried to sneak in while Sarah was already asleep, prompting her to wake up as Chuck tripped over the cord to his computer. Or how, after he left and Sarah attempted to fall asleep again, she realized just how cold her feet really were all alone in the large bed.<p>

So that is how Chuck has gotten to this point in his evening – three in the morning, laying on the couch wide awake and staring at the roof. How did he even get to this point in his marriage? Sure, Chuck knew there would be days when he would be sent to the doghouse. Days when he would be forced to sleep on the couch because his wife is angry with him. But sleeping on the couch because she doesn't remember how to love him? This is just terrible.

He rolls over, standing up and putting on a pair of shoes. Chuck doesn't bother with changing out of his pajamas and walks outside into the courtyard. He looks over at Ellie and Devon's house, the boxes all neatly packed up inside and ready to be loaded into a truck in a few days. Their whole lives are ahead of them and waiting in Chicago, while as hopeful as Chuck is about his prospects with Sarah, he is worried that the best years of his life are over.

By now everyone is probably asleep, and Chuck really doesn't want to wake up Ellie a few nights before their move. Especially not at three in the morning. But what he really could use is someone to talk to. Who Chuck really wants to talk to is Sarah. They used to talk about everything – feelings, thoughts, likes, dislikes, random facts, personal problems. Everything. And now Chuck has lost his go-to girl and feels a little lost himself.

He walks over to the fountain and sits down, his hands rubbing circles on his forehead as he runs them through his hair. He needs to plan out the perfect date for Sarah – the perfect way to make her fall in love with him again. But what? What big sweeping gesture can he use to remind Sarah of all the amazing times they've had together?

Chuck perks up as he hears a door open, the shape of Morgan Grimes in all his glory (and by that Chuck means just a pair of Star Wars boxers) heading towards him. Chuck gives a small half smile then drops his head back down.

"I was getting a drink of water when I saw you sitting out here. So how'd it go? Did you find her? Did you kiss her? Did she remember?"

Chuck smiles at his friend's eagerness, knowing part of it is just rubbing off from the first night of shacking up with Alex. Oh what Casey would have done to them if he were in town.

"Yeah, buddy. I found her."

"That's great! So why aren't you inside that house kissing her or something?"

"It's more complicated than that." Chuck sighs out, his head falling back to his hands.

"Why? Did the kiss not work? Damn you Disney movies for giving me a false sense of hope!"

Chuck laughs. "No, the kiss worked. Sort of. She agreed to go on a date with me tomorrow night."

"A date?" Morgan asks. "But Chuck, you do realize she's your wife, right?"

"Yeah, I know that bud. But she doesn't remember. Well, she remembers but she doesn't feel it? Oh, I don't know. I just know she doesn't want us to sleep in the same bed, and she doesn't want to jump right back into things. But she does want to try."

Morgan nods slowly, taking it all in. "But, that's a start, right?"

"I guess." Chuck replies. "I think she is having the same problem you had with the whole brain-heart miscommunication."

"Oh, I definitely know how that works. But the ending is great," Morgan emulates Tony the Tiger, stressing the 'gr' in great. "Trust me, I just had three rounds of the ending tonight!"

"Gross Morgan!" Chuck says, sliding a little further away from the bearded man. "Don't tell me that then sit next to me!"

"Oh yeah? And who was it that had sex on the Carmichael Industries plane coming home from the mission in Minsk? Don't think I didn't know about that Chuck!"

"I… we… just…" Chuck sighs.

"So, really though, if Sarah is back then what's the big problem that keeps you up at 3AM?"

"Well, she agreed to go on a date with me tomorrow, right? And so I need to plan the perfect outing – something that will make her fall in love with me all over again."

"No, no, no. Chuck, with the heart-brain thing, you can't just jump in all willy-nilly and expect her to fall in love with you again. It takes time, and effort, and being yourself. Trust me, it took a long time to gain Alex's trust back, but look at how happy we are now?" Morgan looks over to his apartment, and then his eyes drift to Ellie and Devon's house. "Don't tell Ellie I am telling you this, but she told me that to get Alex back I needed to just be myself and she'd realize how great I am. I think you need to take her advice too."

"But how?" Chuck asks. "She is used to super spy Chuck Bartowski. And all she remembers for real is super spy Bryce Larkin. How is plain old me supposed to compete with that?"

"Easy, Chuck. By using this." Morgan reaches forward and taps Chuck's chest. "You are the bravest, kindest and most loving man I know. If anyone can make that girl fall in love again, it's you. But don't try to impress her with a super flashy first date. Try something simple like…" Morgan pauses to think, "Sizzling shrimp! Or, dinner and a movie. Maybe something fun like mini golf. Something that provides normalcy, makes her feel appreciated but also as if you aren't trying too hard to force her into love. Something that will make her fall in love with you completely against what her mind says."

"Something that makes her fall in love with me against what her mind says… thanks Morgan. That might actually help." Chuck stands up and makes his way towards the house. "And you better get back to Alex – she's probably wondering why a drink of water lasts twenty minutes."

Morgan nods, standing up as well. "Just remember," He calls quietly as he makes his way to his own home, "You are Charles Irving Bartowski. You can do whatever you set your mind to. I know that, your sister knows that, your dad knew that, even Sarah knows that. So go get her!"

"I will, Morgan. I will." Chuck smiles to himself as he heads back into the house, a plan formulating as to the perfect first date. "Aces, Charles. You're aces."

* * *

><p>Sarah lays in bed, her eyes open and staring at the far wall. There is a poster there, something she can't fully recognize in the darkness. Ever since Chuck had stumbled over the cord an hour or so ago and woke her up, Sarah has been unable to fall asleep again. First off, her feet are cold. And though she knows what Chuck claims she did (no, what she must've done) if she was cold in bed before, the empty spot next to her makes warming up impossible.<p>

Everything is so familiar, yet so strange and different at the same time. Sarah isn't this girl – the girl with a side of the bed (left, it seems, as this is where she is currently laying and where she had slept while undercover from Quinn), the girl who needs someone else to warm her feet up, the girl who can't get a damn song out of her head! It isn't even a song Sarah has heard before, or at least she doesn't think she has. Could this be one of her memories?

Sarah shakes her head, rolling over in bed and gathering the covers into a cocoon around her legs. _Birds fly high, you know how I feel._ She flips again, burrowing her face in the pillow. _Sure in the sky, you know how I feel._ She grabs the covers, pulling them up over her head. _Breeze drifting by, you know how I feel._ Oh this is hopeless.

Sarah sits up in bed, flopping the covers down and groaning. Where did she hear that song before? That's it, Sarah gives up. She can't be here, can't be this person that Chuck says she is. Maybe she seemed confident on the beach, but she was being vulnerable then, and Sarah Walker is not vulnerable.

_It's a new dawn. _Sarah pauses what she is doing, looking down at her hands to realize that she has started absent-mindedly twisting the wedding ring on her left hand. She instantly stops, pulling her right hand back and gazing at the thing in question. She pulls it off and stares at it.

_It's a new day. _A simple band, gold, nothing too flashy. Upon closer inspection, she realizes that the ingenious little thing opens up, turns itself into a lock pick. This must've been her idea. Wait, no. Was it her idea? Another muffled sound leaves her mouth, and Sarah's mind begins to trick her body. It tells her to leave, to run, to get away as fast as possible. That Sarah Walker doesn't put lock picks in wedding rings. That this girl that Chuck wants her to be, she may never exist again. How could she possibly live up to the idolized version of Sarah Walker that Chuck thinks exists? That's it. She has to get out of here.

_It's a new life. _Damn that stupid song. If only it would get out of her head! Maybe, if she just looks at the sleeping form of Chuck on the couch, she might get the courage to stay. Maybe her heart will start talking instead of her brain. Because right now her brain says run.

She creeps out of the bed, moving silently until something catches her off guard. Voices, from outside. She diverts her covert operation to the windowsill, sitting quietly to hear what is going on outside. The voices are muffled, but she can make some things out. If only she could get closer.

A voice breaks through the muffles, the sound of Morgan Grimes. He is talking, giving Chuck advice. And Chuck sounds nervous and worried. Worried that Sarah won't give him a chance, won't fall in love with him again. But Sarah's heart whines at her, wondering how she could not fall in love with this man who is so desperate for her that he wanders outside in the middle of the night in just pajamas and shoes? Their conversation ends, and Sarah silently sneaks back into the bed.

The song starts up again in her mind. _It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life. And I'm feeling good._ She looks down at the small ring of metal in her hand. She slowly moves it back to the worn in spot on her left hand. Oh, screw it. She is giving the nerd a chance. It took Sarah five hundred and sixty-four days to fall in love with this guy the first time, how long will it take now?

* * *

><p>Chuck had said he would "pick Sarah up" around six that evening. What he meant by that, Sarah didn't know. He told her to wear something nice, something for a night out on the town, but still something she can move in, whatever that means. It sounds like the description of classic mission-wear, but Sarah is not sure how appropriate it would be if she dresses for their date like it is a mission. Isn't the whole point of this dating thing so Sarah can believe those mission logs, and believe Chuck's story that their love isn't just a cover?<p>

So now she stands, staring into a closet filled with what must be her own clothes, the clock screaming 5:20 and she still has no idea what to wear. Has he already seen her in all of these things? Some of the items Sarah doesn't even know why she had purchased them – they are much too old for her. Although, the Sarah that purchased them had five more years of memories than the Sarah looking at them now.

All she has really decided on is a pair of black panties with a matching lacy bra. It seems this Sarah doesn't keep sensible undergarments either – except for sports bras. Maybe it's for missions; maybe the old Sarah really enjoyed making Chuck happy. Either way, there are some pretty revealing stuff in there and Sarah, though not sure how far she is willing to let Chuck get with this date, knows that she won't be showing him those outfits anytime soon.

And, though she knows this is a "real" date, and not a mission or a cover date, old habits die hard and she is still wearing a gun slung high on her left inner thigh and a small sheath of knives on her right ankle. You can never be too careful. Although this combination pretty much means she will need some sort of ankle boot that covers the sheath but still gives access. And it also means a skirt or a dress for gun access.

Why is it so hard to pick out an outfit for your first date with your husband? Sarah's mind stops, and she laughs at herself for even thinking such an absurd question. Who would've thought, Sarah Walker has a husband. If her dad ever found out, he would call Chuck a quack or a shmuck or something and would scorn his daughter for settling down. And, on the off chance that he likes Chuck, he would still do the same things only there would be the hint of a smile in his eyes.

Sarah groans in desperation and turns to the desk where she has laid out all of the makeup she found in the bathroom. Maybe if she starts with that, the clothing will come naturally. Or maybe she should just call this all off right now and just admit to herself that it is not going to happen.

* * *

><p>Chuck paces in the living room of his apartment, waiting for his wife to come out for a date. Sure, they had date night as a married couple. But often it involved gunfire and swordplay. Something tells Chuck that this Sarah Walker would probably enjoy that more than what he really has planned.<p>

He walks over to the mirror, giving himself one last look over. Black pants, a simple blue striped button down (one he knows used to be Sarah's favourite), and a dark jacket on top. Simple, easy, put together. Great for a night that, to tell the truth, Chuck hasn't fully planned out yet.

Back in the living room, something catches his eye. It's a wedding photo, a candid one that Alex had taken. Chuck is holding Sarah in a dipped position, his lips on her neck and a giant smile on her face. He smiles looking down at it, hoping he can one day have her smiling that same smile, feeling the same way he feels.

"I'm ready." Chuck hears, and he turns around to face the hallway leading to the bedrooms. Sarah is standing there in an outfit that makes Chuck's eyes pop out of his own head. Her hair is pulled up into some sort of bun at the top of her head. She has on a long, dark purple tunic with tight black pants underneath, and sexy black boots that stop just below Sarah's knees. But the one thing Chuck can't take his eyes off of is how she hasn't removed the small band on her left ring finger.

"You look…" Chuck can't form words. Because Sarah is beautiful and he will make her fall in love with him again, because looking at Sarah in that outfit is making him fall in love with her.

"Thanks." Sarah replies, looking down at the ground. "Should we… get going?"

"Yes, right, yes. Date. Us. Going." Chuck stammers. He pauses, smiling at Sarah. "I'm just really glad you agreed to this. I don't know what I would do if you didn't."

Sarah nods, taking a breath in. "Are we walking there or driving?"

Chuck's chest falls a little at Sarah's response. He had definitely imagined the start of this date to go differently, but then she entered the room in _that_!

"Car. We're taking a car." He composes himself, then holds out an arm to Sarah. "Shall we?"

She smiles and allows herself to grasp Chuck's arm with her own. "Where are we going?" Sarah asks as they walk outside and Chuck pauses to lock the door.

"Oh, just wait and see, sweetie." Chuck replies.

Sarah freezes, and when Chuck continues walking towards the street he realizes he is alone.

"Sarah?" He asks, coming back over to the shell shocked woman. "Oh god, what did I do wrong? Don't tell me I screwed up already. Was the sweetie too much? I'll just stick with Sarah. And now I've ruined it before I started."

"No, Chuck. It's okay. Just… caught me off guard a little. I'm really not used to pet names. But, I'll get used to it." She says, a smile forcing its way onto her face.

"I don't want you to get used to it. I want you to like it. So, Sarah it is for now, okay ba-." Chuck stops himself. "I'm assuming baby is out of the vocabulary for a while too."

Sarah nods. "Just for a little while."

The two stand there in the courtyard, Chuck trying not to stare while Sarah tries to preoccupy herself with something over than how good Chuck looks in blue. After a moment of awkward silence, Chuck holds his arm out again to Sarah. She silently takes it again and, in a mutual agreement, nothing else is said until they are safely in the car and driving to wherever Chuck is taking them.

* * *

><p>"Really, Chuck?" Sarah asks, staring at her so-called husband. "This is where you are taking me on our first date?"<p>

"I figured we've done worse. Plus, this gives us the action I know we crave."

"You could've told me we were doing this, I would've worn more sensible shoes."

Chuck looks down at the four inch heeled boots his wife is wearing. "You've done way more in way worse. Trust me."

"Okay, but still. A little warning would've been nice."

Chuck shakes his head, handing over Sarah's breast plate. "Yeah, but where would be the fun in surprising you?" He puts his own breast plate on, and slings the gun pack over his shoulders. He lifts his gun and aims it at Sarah's face, finger on the trigger. "So, partners or enemies?"

Sarah rolls her eyes, using a hand to drop the weapon from her face. "Isn't it always more fun as enemies?" She asks innocently, batting her eyelashes at Chuck.

"Oh, it is on!" Chuck replies,

"Just try not to shoot any of the little children." Sarah replies, heading into the direction of the playing field.

"Hey! Laser tag can be for adults too!" Chuck whines, closely following Sarah to where a man is going over the rules of the game.

"The number one rule is to have fun, everybody." The man says from his small podium. "But the second rule is no physical violence and no touching other players of any kind. This is sudden death – one laser tap and you are out. Last one standing wins, got it?"

There is a chorus of "yeahs" and "okays" from the surrounding group of teenagers and a few straggling adults, all wearing identical black breast plates and backpacks and carrying a plastic gun.

"Now, once in the arena you have sixty seconds to run, hide, get as far away from the other players as possible before your packs activate. And after that, it's show time."

The group moves towards the playing field, and Sarah can't help but giggle at what Chuck thought was a good first date for two grown adults. There is no way she is losing at this.

"You are going down, Sarah." Chuck whispers into her ear, his mouth a little too close so that she feels the warmth of his breath and a shiver is sent down her spine. It takes Sarah a moment to compose herself, but she turns around and stares Chuck straight in the eye.

"Don't even think about it, Bartowski. There is no way you can win."

"Oh yeah? Who's got a computer in their head, huh?" Chuck mocks.

"I could beat you anytime, any day. With or without the intersect."

"You're on." Chuck replies.

The two enter the playing field and, with one last glance of challenge, Sarah dashes off to find the best place to hide. Chuck stands in place for a moment, smiling at himself.

This is a much better date than trying to recreate their first night together. New memories, new experiences, but she will still fall in love with him. Chuck knows it.

* * *

><p>Sarah laughs, a hand unconsciously reaching across the table to land on Chuck's arm. She is laughing so hard there are tears forming in her eyes, unable to hold it in any longer.<p>

"So then…" Chuck pauses for a minute, feeling Sarah reach out to him. He looks down at her hand and she quickly pulls it away again. He takes a deep breath in to finish the story. "So then, even with Casey struggling next to me, I really thought it would save him, so I leaned in and," the laugher has returned again almost seamlessly, "and I kissed him. With tongue."

"With tongue?" Sarah asks, her hands now fully surrounding her drink.

"Well, how else do you transfer saliva?" Chuck responds, earning another gaffaw from Sarah and feeling his heart swell again.

"Did it work?"

"Not one bit." Chuck replies. "Eventually the scientist came in, took my blood and made the antidote, but it was pretty hilarious at the time."

"I can't believe you aren't dead!" Sarah manages to get out between chuckles. "The Casey I knew, he would never let anyone kiss him without putting a bullet through their head."

Chuck smiles, his face falling a little. "Well, when Casey gets back, you will just have to get to know the new him as well."

"Yeah." Sarah replies.

This is how their dinner has gone. Light, happy, bantering conversation filled with laughs and stories followed by awkward silences punctuated by the fact that Chuck remembers all of these stories and Sarah doesn't.

"Well, maybe when I see him, we can compare Chuck Bartowski kissing techniques." Sarah finally says, breaking the silence. And just like that, the conversation seems to flow again.

"Oh, please don't." Chuck replies.

Sarah pauses, unsure if she should say what is on her mind. Eventually, she decides to tell him. "For some reason, I don't think I particularly liked the ending of that mission, even with the hilarity of you kissing Casey. I just don't know why."

"Hmm." Chuck replies, knowing full well that leaving Jill out of the story was probably the best thing to do at this point, especially if Sarah feels this way without Jill even being brought up once. "I don't know why either. But it's good that you're getting these feelings, right?"

"I guess." Sarah takes a long sip from her drink, trying to remember why that particular mission feels so uncomfortable in her mind. Maybe she will think of it later. For now, she wants to keep the conversation flowing on something easy to discuss. "Okay, tell me another story where Casey looks like a fool."

"Did I get to the story about Casey being found in his underwear handcuffed to the headboard of a hotel room?" Chuck asks.

"No!" Sarah laughs, and she leans back in her seat ready to hear more stories that she can't yet remember.

* * *

><p>After dinner, Chuck and Sarah went wandering downtown Burbank, not really talking but more enjoying the silence of being together. The entire way home, Sarah's mind and heart were grappling with each other. A goodnight kiss, or no goodnight kiss? Is he really that adorable, and how nerdy can he be? Could she ever feel the way he thinks she will, or does a part of her feel that way already. She has all these feelings and impulses about the stories Chuck tells, but none of them are concrete memories. The only memory she knows is real is the one of them writing their names in the doorframe of that small house. And she clings to that in her mind, clings to the hope that she could love him enough to deface property she doesn't own just to prove that love.<p>

After unlocking the door, Chuck stops them just before they enter the house in Echo Park. He reaches out to grasp Sarah's hand. She looks down at it, staring at the still new yet so familiar sensation. It's like Sarah's entire life is a contradiction of itself – it all feels so normal and tangible, while at the same time so abstract and foreign.

"Look, Sarah," Chuck says, his eyes staring straight into hers as she raises her head. "I had a really great time tonight, and I hope you did too."

"I think that was my first real date I've ever been on, to be honest." Sarah replies.

Chuck nods, his mind replaying many other real dates the two have shared but for once his mouth obeys the orders to stay shut about that particular matter. "So, my question is… what about a second date?"

Sarah smiles, looking up into Chuck's eyes. She speaks before her brain can stop her, and her body tingles as she lets it voice its needs. "How can I think about a second date when I haven't even gotten my kiss goodnight from this one?"

Chuck is taken aback, definitely not expecting that reply. He lifts a hand, bringing it to stroke down the side of Sarah's face, moving aside a curl that had fallen loose of the bun during the course of laser tag. Then, slowly, Chuck leans in. Sarah waits, the anticipation killing her but her mind forcing herself to let Chuck come down to her. Finally, _finally,_ their lips meet.

The kiss is soft, caring. Sarah forgoes all thoughts and lets her body control her movements. She leans up and into Chuck's mouth, but neither mouth parts to allow the other access. It is simple, lips moving in tandem as if they've done this a thousand times. Then, without knowing why, Sarah is pulling away. She moves her head back a few quarters of an inch, enough that their lips are no longer touching but she can still feel his breath as he breathes through his nose.

"Goodnight, Chuck." Sarah says, opening the door and moving inside. She shuts it behind her and leans against the hard wood frame, hoping Chuck realizes she wants a moment alone before he enters. A hand wanders up to touch her lips, and her tongue sneaks out for a taste.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone so fast?

No. This is not love, not yet. This is the idea of love, the idea of something more. Sarah is falling in love with the idea of Chuck Bartowski, and all he says they had, and that terrifies her. She is terrified that it will never be as good as Chuck thinks it can be, as he knows it was. Terrified that she will never love him as much as she loves the idea of loving him. And even more terrified that it is all true, and one day will fall for him just as hard as she did the first time. But can she ever truly fall for this man as more than an idea?

Tonight is definitely a good start, but Sarah knows it will take a lot of work to fully let her guard down, to let Chuck love her for the person she is. _But still_, she thinks as she remembers the goodnight kiss that made her warm all over, _there is definitely something there_.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the door, Chuck is leaning up against the frame mimicking his wife's actions. His hand is on his lips but they are no longer smiling.

His mind travels through the date, lingering on things he shouldn't be lingering on. How, as the only two left in laser tag, Sarah jumped out from her spot plastered to the roof and shot Chuck square in the chest. How that image gave Chuck a flashback to Sarah pointing a much more real gun at him in a much whiter room. How throughout their conversation at dinner, Chuck would say something stupid about their past and an awkward silence would fill the table. How Chuck kept their conversation topics light, bringing stories from their past that had nothing to do with their relationship. How any time he seemed to speak about something they had done together, Sarah would get silent and focus on eating until the conversation became light again. How the evening didn't really flow as well for Chuck as he thought it would, as he felt their first date five years ago went. Even if that was only a cover date.

And, though she wanted him give her a kiss, and though the kiss was almost electric, Chuck can't help but feel something nagging in the back of his brain. It's that nerdy, Buy-More employee, Standford-drop-out from five years ago. The one that says, "She's out of your league. Why would a girl like THAT ever fall in love with a guy like YOU? Look at yourself? You don't deserve her!" The one that doubts Sarah would ever be able to fall in love with him again regardless of the triumphant past.

No. Chuck cannot listen to five-years-ago Chuck. He has to listen to right-now Chuck, the one that knows that Sarah Bartowski is in there amidst all of the Sarah Walker. The one that knows she loves him more than she can express. The one that knows no matter how terrified she is of commitment, of losing all her stability and jumping into something that has no promises, that she did it once before. And it may have taken him three years, but it was worth all the effort.

Before his wedding, Chuck had thought back on the last four years of his life. On the struggles, the triumphs, the heartbreak and the love. And he remembers thinking, _If I had to do it all over again, I would._ Well, Chuck is pretty sure he didn't mean literally. But now he has that chance, to make her fall in love again.

Move aside five-years-ago Chuck. Because that girl is going to fall for this nerd, and she is going to fall hard. If it takes a month, or a year, or six. He will get her back. And how does Chuck know? Because, when they had that goodnight kiss, he could feel the shiver of happiness down her spine.

* * *

><p>I couldn't make their first date perfect, now could I? But they both definitely over dressed for laser tag, right?<p>

Hope you liked it. Hope you like what I have planned. Hope we all get to continue living in this world a little longer, even if it isn't on TV with new episodes anymore.

I love you all and can't believe you are still here with me. Until the next update,

BrittJK :)


	3. Chapter 3

So I guess I could apologize, but the fact that I even wrote this when I have two exams this coming week is pretty much a miracle. :P

I do want to thank every single person who reads, reviews, likes, favourites, comments, gives constructive criticism, and generally has anything to do with this story. Sorry that I can't get back to all of you, but you all need to know how much I love you. The Chuck fandom lives on because you guys all exist out there to read and provide your own input. This is all for you (okay, and maybe to give myself a little closure too).

Please don't be alarmed by the start of this chapter, it all ends up okay. And besides, the last little bit is probably one of my favourite things I've written ever. So I hope you like it! :)

Disclaimer: If I owned Chuck, I would probably have been at Comiccon the last few years. But alas, that is what youtube is for.

* * *

><p>Heart vs. Mind - Chapter 3<p>

* * *

><p>Once Ellie and Awesome left two days after Chuck and Sarah's "first date", the two tried to work out a rhythm. Which for Sarah means trying to find her own space living, or even a little breathing room, with a man as enthusiastic as Chuck. He finally moved into the spare bedroom, after transferring Casey's bedframe into Morgan's old room, but Sarah is still having trouble finding time to be herself and take it all in.<p>

Don't get her wrong, Sarah is enjoying her time relearning about the nerd from the Buy More. Every day she is finding little things about Chuck that make her heart swoon, but she just doesn't have time to process any of it because Chuck is always around. Maybe a part of her just wants to jump him and pull him into bed, while another wants to have deep meaningful conversations, while another wants to watch him from afar, while another wants to run away as fast as she can so that she can process the last few days and maybe stop feeling so overwhelmed. Then there is the small part of herself saying that she should run forever and never look back, but Sarah is trying to push that part down as far as it will go. After a week and a half of living with Chuck, however, that fighting side of Sarah's mind wants her to run, but maybe just to get some space to process how quickly her heart is forcing her into love.

At first, Sarah tried to keep her mind happy by basing her schedule off of Chuck's. She would get up for an early morning run, return home after Chuck has showered to use the bathroom herself, and by the time she is out he has gone to the Buy More for work, giving Sarah a few precious hours of time alone. But those hours were never truly enough for her to have any breathing room. Chuck seemed to never want Sarah alone longer than an hour or two, always coming home with take out for lunch or calling to check up on her every hour. And while some would consider it sweet, Sarah is just finding it too clingy. Too smothering. Too overwhelming. Especially when, no matter what her heart tells her, she hasn't really fallen in love with him again. And she just can't remember a damn thing to prove to her mind that it can happen!

Sarah's heart pounds as she approaches the oblivious Chuck, currently enthralled with whatever video game he is playing. He has been preoccupied with it for the past few hours, giving Sarah her most needed quiet to think over some important things. But Sarah knows that she has to speak up now, or she might lose the will power.

"Chuck?" Sarah says. He remains unmoving, other than the fingers on his hands quickly tapping the buttons on his remote.

"Chuck?" Sarah tries again, a little louder this time. Still nothing. She leans over and taps Chuck on the shoulder lightly. The reaction is instant, his entire body shooting up into the air and a very girlish yelp coming out of him, followed by a large boom from the television. Sarah holds back the giggle that tries to escape, keeping her face straight for the conversation at hand.

Chuck turns around, his heart pounding and his face angry. "Sarah, what have I told you about interrupting me while I'm on a raid?" After a moment of quiet, Chuck sighs, realizing Sarah probably doesn't remember the amount of times she has interrupted him while in the middle of an important battle. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Sarah says, her arms crossing over her chest. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

"Okay." Chuck replies. He slides down on the couch, making room for Sarah, but she stands her ground. After she doesn't make a move, Chuck motions for her to speak.

"I think I should move out." Sarah says.

"I'm sorry, what?" Chuck asks, his eyes as wide as saucers. He has no idea what has brought this on – Chuck thought he was being the perfect boyfriend. He wasn't pressuring Sarah into anything, lets her go out to god knows where in the mornings, sleeping in the other room, bringing her meals. Unable to think of anything to say, he just stares at Sarah in confusion.

"I just…" Sarah shakes her head, unable to come up with the right words to voice how she feels.

"You… but… why?" Chuck manages to stutter out.

Sarah takes a deep breath, closing her eyes and turning away from Chuck. It is always easier to deal with emotions when you aren't face to face with the person, something Sarah learnt in training. "I just feel smothered here. Everything is moving too fast. I need some time."

"Okay." Chuck says, not really processing anything. "How much time?"

"Enough time until I can get some perspective."

"Perspective on what?" Chuck asks.

Sarah turns around abruptly, her eyes flaming. "Look, Chuck. I am trying here. Trying really hard to love you, and having you around all the time isn't really helping that! I have no time to process anything, or figure out what I am feeling on my own without you here! Or if I am feeling something new or if it's the ghost of a memory! And I don't even know what I am feeling because you are always there compromising my emotions!"

"Oh, so now I am an emotion compromiser? What does that even mean?" Chuck says, his anger escalating as well.

"That is NOT what I meant! Chuck, you don't know what it's like! I barely know you, yet you know me completely. I'm finding out all these new things, and not only about you. About me as well! And do you know how much time I have to process it all? I have from the time you leave for work until when you get back for lunch, or when you call me, or the next time I see you! I barely have two hours to myself anymore unless I'm asleep!"

"But you do know me, Sarah! Somewhere you remember!" Chuck pleads.

"No, I don't Chuck. Sure I have memories somewhere, but I can't remember any of them. Only small flashes in short instances that never make any sense. You're a stranger to me and I just need somewhere of my own to-" Sarah stops herself before finishes her sentence. Because she doesn't know why she needs her own space. To understand the changes she is seeing in herself? To fall in love with Chuck? To adjust to this new life of hers? To convince herself to stay? Her voice is quiet again when she speaks. "I just need somewhere of my own, okay?"

Chuck is quiet, trying to process how his wife doesn't want to live at her own apartment. How, despite Morgan's kiss theory and despite the past week that seemed pretty amicable, she isn't happy. And maybe she isn't happy because of something Chuck is doing, or because she is in fact realizing that she never had loved him in the first place.

"Where would you go?" He finally says. His voice is quiet, devoid of emotions.

"I don't know. I could go back to my place at the hotel." Sarah replies, turning away from Chuck. "Truthfully that is the only place I remember, the only place I think I could try to process this all."

The silence deafens Sarah, and suddenly she is regretting having this conversation at all. She could cope. She could try to love him while seeing him at almost every hour of the day, right? _No, Sarah._ Her mind replies. _You need somewhere to go away from him, somewhere to get a fresh perspective. Somewhere to let it all sink in._ She turns back around to see Chuck staring at the photo on the mantle, an image presumably from their wedding. The happy couple is staring at each other, their eyes filled with so much love, as the wedding party smiles with tears in their eyes.

"Chuck, say something."

"Will you come back?"

Now Sarah moves to sit next to Chuck, grabbing one of his hands. The first rule of trying to connect with someone is physical contact – that's pretty much lesson one at the academy. But Sarah's heart hopes she grabbed his hand for more than the spy reasons – it wants to hold Chuck's hand to comfort him.

"I can't say anything right now, because I can't see anything in my life clearly. Everything just blends together and I need to get out for a bit." Sarah watches Chuck as she speaks, his head never moving from staring at the photo. "But I hope so."

Chuck doesn't move again, but Sarah can see his face move as his lips turn up into a smile.

"I really, really hope so." Sarah finishes, realizing this conversation doesn't have anywhere else to go. So instead of lingering, she stands up and walks to "their" bedroom. It only takes a few minutes for Sarah to search through her personal effects and pull out anything that she either recognizes or will need living in a new place. Mostly she throws in clothes and a few throwing knives. When she walks back into the living room, suitcase in tow, Chuck turns to look at her and his eyes are full of sadness.

Sarah walks to the door, only stopping when Chuck stands up and blocks her way. He places his hands on her shoulder and looks into her eyes.

"Promise me this isn't you giving up."

Sarah's face softens and she bites her lip, trying to decide the best way to prove to Chuck that a big part of her still wants everything he described on the beach. Actions speak louder than words, right?

When Chuck feels Sarah's lips moving on his, he smiles into the kiss. So far all of their kisses have been very quick and simple, but this time Sarah opens her mouth and uses her tongue to reach into Chuck's. She allows his taste to penetrate her senses, but quickly pulls her tongue out of his mouth. As a closing send off, Sarah sucks Chuck's bottom lip for a moment, then releases it, pulling back and smiling.

"I do not give up that easily, Chuck."

Chuck pulls Sarah into a hug, and though she hesitates at first, eventually her body relaxes into his. It only takes a few moments though for Sarah to feel suffocated, and she slowly pushes Chuck away.

"Call me and we will set up a date, okay? Maybe Friday."

Without another word, Sarah grabs her suitcase again and walks out the door, her mind rejoicing at the freedom it will receive in being alone for a while.

Back inside, Chuck stares at the closed door and runs his hands through his hair, unable to figure out what he did wrong.

* * *

><p>"So she's just gone?" Ellie says, one hand unpacking a box of books that she and Devon had yet to reach, the other grasping the phone held tightly to her ear.<p>

"Well, not completely gone. She has her phone, and then texted me that she got to the hotel all right. But she wants me to call her for a date on Friday. Friday, El!"

"Chuck, I really don't know what to say. Often with memory issues people have trouble connecting to things from their past, and they just need some time to reevaluate it all. The brain is a mysterious organ, and sometimes it has to work things out for itself before the heart can get involved. Maybe giving her space will bring a memory or two back," Ellie replies, hoping to comfort her brother as much as she can from halfway across the country. "Besides, it's Tuesday. Friday isn't that far away."

"Friday could basically be next year for all it's worth. She wanted more than a day, more than a few hours. She moved out." Chuck lets out a sigh. "Why am I even trying?"

Ellie stops what she is doing and grabs the phone tightly. "Chuck? No. Don't."

"Don't what?" Chuck asks sadly.

"Don't you dare do that mopey thing where you sit on the couch all day in a robe and eating cheese balls and you grow a giant beard that rivals Morgan. Don't you dare. Sarah is not gone, and she didn't give up. She just needs her space."

A muffled groan can be heard through the phone.

"Seriously, Chuck! Listen to me!" Ellie says. "Sarah is not gone, she still loves you, and you WILL win her back! It is just going to take longer than two weeks! How long did it take for Sarah to fall for you the first time?"

"Do you want the spy answer, the answer Sarah told me, or when she officially told me she loved me?"

Ellie evaluates the question for a moment, wondering if it makes sense. "The last two."

"Sarah told me she loves me right before you and Devon left for Africa, and right before she and I went to Paris. But she told me she fell in love with me the first week we met. And I'm pretty sure something would've happened if Morgan hadn't stolen my condom just before your wedding. And there was the time she kissed me when we thought Bryce Larkin was a bomb… not that Sarah remembers any of this" Chuck continues mumbling incoherently listing different moments when he thought he saw love in Sarah.

"Wait, Bryce Larkin?" Ellie asks, interrupting. "Hold on, I am going to forget that. Never mind. Just, if she fell in love with you when she claims she did, but it took her over a year to let you know, then you have to give her time! Remember, Sarah's memories of the past five years are buried deep in her brain but inside she feels like the Sarah you met back when you were still, and I'm sorry to say this little brother, but still a college dropout working at a Buy More."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, sis."

Ellie sighs. "Chuck, what I'm saying is, if she fell in love with him, she will fall in love with you. It just might take some time for her to tell you that she loves you or for her to realize it again."

"I still think I might as well give up." Chuck replies, rolling over on the couch to bury his head in the pillow.

"No way. My little brother is not giving up on the best thing that has happened to him in the last five years! I know you Chuck, and you are a catch! Sarah will realize that again, how could she not? So here is what you are going to do. You take these next three days and plan a date that will jog back some of Sarah's memories. You could do that easy, right?"

"I guess." Chuck mumbles into the pillow.

"Chuck, you're my baby brother and I love you. Sarah knows how amazing you are, just give her time to remember why she fell in love with you in the first place, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"And no cheese balls."

Chuck smiles, lifting his head. "Love you too, sis."

He hangs up the phone and buries his head in the pillow. It really isn't supposed to be this hard to make someone love you, is it? What kind of a date will bring back Sarah's memories? Maybe Morgan will have some ideas, now that he is such a "master" of love as well. Or maybe they can just plan a double date…

_Wait!_ Chuck thinks, an idea sprouting. _A double date would be perfect! And we can play that couples game we played with Morgan and Carina!_

Chuck hops up off the couch, instantly renewed with his great idea. Sure, he has three days to plan it, but for now he needs to find Morgan and Alex and makes sure they are free for some board games and vegetarian pizza, sans olives, this upcoming Friday night.

* * *

><p>After way too long at the reception desk Sarah enters the hotel room, her luggage dragging behind her, and takes a deep breath. She shuts the door, drops her purse onto the floor and walks over to the bed, flopping herself down on the comforter. She shuts her eyes, reveling in the quiet and letting her own thoughts flow.<p>

_Finally_, Sarah thinks. _Some control in my own life._

The idea that Sarah can do anything she wants, anything at all, is freeing. She isn't tied down by being a kid, or being with the CIA, or having a boyfriend. Well, technically Chuck IS still her husband, but right now she doesn't have to think about him until Friday night. So she can do anything within reason, but leaving the country probably isn't within that reason. But going downstairs to get some ice cream, or maybe getting some sort of part time job, or even just sleeping the entire afternoon, those are all in the realm of possibility.

_Or you can think about this weird little situation you're in_, Sarah's brain says.

_What situation? You know somewhere deep down you love the guy!_ Her heart replies.

_But you can't remember, can you? What's the point of love if you can't remember any of it?_ Her brain retorts.

Sarah lets out a groan, rolling over onto her stomach and burrowing her head into the pillow. Sure, she's escaped Chuck, but she hasn't escaped her stupid brain or stupid heart and their stupid fighting. Ever since Chuck explained that theory, it's as if her heart and brain are literally fighting day in and day out. They yell at her, scream at her, and plead with her. If only she could just remember something real, and make her stupid brain quiet down for a bit.

"Yeah, Sarah. Leave the house and you can think clearly. That is working out great." Her words are muffled by the pillow, but it's not like anyone else is there to hear it. "Maybe you should just leave forever, let him get on with his life already."

If only there was something to take her mind off of all this Chuck drama, or a way for her to escape it all. A mission, perhaps. Although she knows the Sarah Walker of this time is no longer signed up with the CIA. She is dead in the water unless…

She perks up, jumping off of the bed and lunging for her purse. It only takes a minute to find the number, but the few seconds before the call is answered seems like eternity.

"Walker, what do you want?" The sound of grunting can be heard through the phone, and what distinctly sounds like an explosion. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Is this a bad time? I can call back if-"

"Nah, I'm out of here anyways. Got what I needed." The line is quiet for a moment other than the sound of a boot hitting a face, followed by heels running on pavement. "Give me a minute to get out of the woods, okay? I'll call you back."

The line goes dead and Sarah stares at it for a minute. Leave it to Carina to answer the phone in the middle of a gun fight. Sarah flops back onto the bed, waiting for her phone to ring again. After a few minutes, however, her brain and heart keep fighting and it starts to aggravate Sarah.

"Busy work…" Sarah says. "Busy work will help." She heads toward the abandoned suitcase on the ground, still trying to get that annoying song out of her brain. Instead of ignoring it, she begins to hum along to the tune playing in her mind. After three days with the song stuck in her head, Sarah had googled it and listened to the real version, yet it sounded odd coming from a computer. She still has no idea why the song is in her head, and still refuses to tell Chuck about it lest he think she is having another memory or something. For all she knows the memories aren't memories, just her mind trying to make a story Chuck told turn into a real memory. So instead of focusing on the memories that don't really exist, she continues to hum along and sing the words she remembers as shirts and dresses are methodically removed from her suitcase. If this phone call doesn't help, maybe she should just leave.

Finally the phone rings again, and Sarah lunges for it. "Hello?" She answers.

"Please don't tell me you're calling about a baby shower." Carina replies from her end. Her breathing is shallow and rapid, probably from running away from wherever it is she was, and it sounds like she is somewhere on or near a train. "I would not be able to handle it if Chuckles knocked you up."

"No, no baby shower." Sarah's voice is monotone.

"Whoa, Walker, are you okay? That was a joke, you know." Carina says, concern evident in her voice.

"How often have we talked in the last little bit?" Sarah asks, wondering where to start. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Sarah has no idea how Carina has changed in the last five years, let alone their relationship. Are they closer than ex-Cats? Has Carina even met Chuck? Well, from the looks of the wedding photos, she must have considering the bridesmaid dress. And she asked about a baby. Gosh this really was a bad idea.

"Haven't really since the wedding. Why? Shouldn't you remember this stuff, miss perfect spy wife?"

Sarah lets out a sigh, looking down at the almost empty suitcase. "Look, a lot has happened since we last talked. And… this should probably be done in person."

"Hey, no way. You do not get to call me, tell me something big happened, and then make me wait until I am back in the states! Start explaining, now." Carina says sternly.

Sarah is quiet.

"Spill! Don't make me bring out the Russian!"

A small laugh is released from Sarah's lips before she can stop it. "Okay, okay. But it's a long story."

"I have nowhere to go. At least, not until I reach Uganda." Carina says.

"Not even going to ask." Another laugh is released, but is quickly silenced as Sarah begins to explain the last few weeks of her life. Carina is silent on her end the entire time, listening intently and not pitching in with her usual snarky comments.

"So he's trying to get you to fall in love with him again." Carina finally says after Sarah has finished talking.

"Basically." Sarah replies.

"Is it working? Because, Walker, you were head over heels before the wedding. Made you a whole new person," says Carina.

"Now, see, that's my problem!" Sarah groans out, her hand idly moving over the lining of the suitcase. "Everyone keeps telling me I was so in love, but I have no idea how to fall in love with him or to be the person he knew! I just know how to be me!"

Carina laughs. "Hate to break it to you, but you fell in love with him a long time ago." She rolls the 'o' in long to emphasize her point. "We pulled a diamond job a few weeks after you met Chuckles, and you had fallen for him already."

"Really?" Sarah asks, a laugh escaping her. "You could tell that early?"

"Well, it might not have been obvious to the casual observer, but to a classically trained spy like me…"

"If you were close enough I'd punch you."

"Miss you too."

Sarah sighs again, not sure if this conversation is getting her any further into clarity about the Chuck situation than she was before.

"Carina, I just don't know what to do." Sarah's hand continues to trace the suitcase. "I feel like I should love him, but then I just get this paralyzing fear that I'm not who he thinks I am," her hand grasps something thin and paperlike in the lining, and begins to absentmindedly pull it out, "or what if I fall in love with him and he doesn't love me back," she pulls the item out, turning the white paper around to see a photo, "and…"

"And?" Carina prompts.

"And…" Sarah repeats, her eyes tracing over the image. She is smiling in it, Chuck's arms wrapped around her from behind. They both look happy. Really happy.

"And you're seriously looking for love advice from me?" Carina tries to finish Sarah's sentence but gets exasperated when her friend doesn't reply. "Sarah? Earth to Sarah. Hello?"

But Sarah isn't in her hotel room anymore. Well, physically, yes. Mentally, her mind is back in Chuck's apartment, in his, no their, bedroom. She is holding this photo, and he is talking to her. All she is wearing is Chuck's white button down and some cotton panties. They had just gotten back from a mission of some sort to… France? No, Milan. Her clothes are hung up in the closet, a point that sticks out in her mind. And Chuck is smiling down at her. They are discussing the photo, discussing home. And they are happy. Really happy.

She breaks out of the memory, only to hear Carina rambling continuously on her end of the line.

"Let's call my friend when she is on the job and discuss personal problems. Oh, no, I don't care that she is probably in a life threatening situation, or that I haven't called to chat in a few months. Let's just put all my problems on Carina, why don't we?"

"Carina?" Sarah says hesitantly, breaking her friend off of her train of thought.

"So glad to have your attention again, Walker."

"Carina, I am really sorry, but I have to go, okay?" Sarah says, still staring down at the photo and trying to remember more from that memory. Sarah is sure that this one is real, and it is pushing every thought of running completely out of her mind.

"Sure, whatever." Carina replies. "Call me if you need to talk."

Sarah smiles. For all of Carina's snarkiness, she really is a good friend. "Will do. And, Carina? Thanks."

"Yeah, yeah." Sarah hears some rustling and a small crash, then the line goes dead.

Sarah looks down at the photo once more, her heart swelling. She looks around at the items of clothing placed in drawers and closets, a product of her unpacking while waiting for Carina's phone call. Looking down at the photo, and keeping her mind on that memory, it seems stupid for her clothing to be unpacked in a hotel room and not in their bedroom.

Without thinking, Sarah jumps up from the floor and grabs all the clothing back, hap hazardously throwing it all into the suitcase and zipping it back up. She looks down at the photo once more, and her mind is finally pressed back far enough by her heart. Finally there is a little clarity, and a whole lot more hope.

As Sarah rushes out of the hotel room, one sentence from her memory runs over and over through her mind.

"You're my home, Chuck. You always have been."

* * *

><p>So, yes, it took Chuck a little time to get dressed and shower and become generally presentable to the outside world, but after spending an hour or so planning out the perfect date to jog Sarah's memory, Chuck twists the doorknob and pulls open his front door with a jump in his step.<p>

He freezes immediately once the door is open, Sarah standing on the other end with her hand raised and ready to knock. Chuck's face instantly spreads into a smile and, for once, Sarah's matches it.

She reaches for him, pulling Chuck into a deep hug and twisting her head into his neck. "I am so sorry, Chuck. I never should have left." She lets out a sigh, her smile returning as Chuck's hands wander over her back. "You're my home." She murmurs. "You always have been."

Chuck freezes, using all of his willpower to pull himself out of the hug. "Sarah, what did you just say?"

She looks up at Chuck, tears forming in her eyes. She holds up the photo, and Chuck reaches out to pull it into his own hands.

"This is from…"

"My suitcase." Sarah finishes. Chuck looks back up from the photo to stare at his wife's face. "I… found it after unpacking at the hotel. And…" She smiles, a tear of happiness rolling down her cheek. "I remember. I remember unpacking, and having that photo in my suitcase, and…" She pauses, looking down, suddenly embarrassed. "I don't really remember all that much about it, but I remember we were happy."

Chuck smiles, handing the photo back to Sarah and using his finger to tilt her chin upwards. "We were happy. Really happy." He leans in slowly and places a small kiss on her lips. Sarah responds by smiling into the kiss. It only lasts a moment, but it gets the point across.

"We can be that happy again." Sarah says, understanding Chuck's message.

"We can be that happy again." He nods, finally realizing that this crazy little relationship is going to work, that the intersect hasn't ruined everything his life has become.

"Chuck, I am so sorry." Sarah pulls herself back into a hug, seeking the unfamiliar yet very comforting support of Chuck's body around her body.

"Sarah, it's fine."

"No, Chuck. It's not. I left, I gave up. I was ready to run."

Chuck is silent, unsure how to respond.

"I am so, so sorry Chuck."

He places a kiss to the top of Sarah's head. "It's okay." He finally says. "You're here now, you didn't leave, and you remember something. Everything is going to be okay."

Sarah nods into the hug, finally not feeling trapped by the strong arms around her. "Chuck? Can I move back in?"

Chuck smiles, realizing he won't really need that double date with Morgan and Alex for the reasons he thought he would.

"I would love that." Chuck replies, pulling out of the hug and stepping back so Sarah can enter the living room.

She quickly wipes away the remaining tears from her eyes, giving Chuck a smile. "You're still sleeping in Morgan's room."

"Okay." Chuck replies.

"And we are still going slow."

"Sounds good."

"And… I am starving so we should order pizza."

"Vegetarian, no olives?"

Sarah smiles at Chuck, leaning in for another quick kiss, and finally it is all falling into place.

"And the photo is staying in the suitcase."

* * *

><p>~~ Thus, Chapter 3 is over. ~~<p>

I hope you liked it and I didn't freak you out too much when Sarah left. Well, you can't expect her to put up with it all without thinking of leaving at least once. I originally was going to have her actually live in the hotel for a week or two, but then she had to go and find that darn photo and have that memory and... but I really like where it took us. And just want to remind you that this is all un-beta'd so any mistakes are mine and I am sorry for them! :P

I'll try to get another chapter (or chapters) out during reading week. Because it means no school and more time for writing. For now I need to go study, but I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I would love to hear your opinion on it! :)

Love you all,

BrittJK


	4. Chapter 4

Finally, I am back, with a new chapter. I apologize profusely for the wait, and I am sure the agonizing months of wondering if and when I will update. Unfortunately school work this year got crazy and took all of my time. I was a hermit for close to two months trying to get it all done. On the downside, no time for writing. On the plus side, I got straight As. So I am not upset about my hiatus, and if I upset any of you I am extremely sorry. But real life comes before writing (at least until school is over). Now for the good news, it is summer which means I have unlimited writing time in between work, reading, the gym, sleeping, watching TV show finales and the like.

As far as I have it planned, there are two more chapters plus an epilogue after this. More good news: I plan on updating every weekend with a new chapter until I am done. But don't hold me to it. It is a plan and plans change.

This chapter has been 90% written, mocking me in a word document for the past two months. I am so glad to finally get it out to you! I tried something new with it in my writing style and I hope you like it.

I do not use a beta and all errors/grammar problems/tense issues are mine. I try to catch them all but I am not perfect.

Disclaimer: These characters aren't mine, I am borrowing them. If they were, I'd be out of a job for not giving new episodes for the past two months. Anyways, who needs Organic Chem to write Chuck stories?

Sending out a special thank you to everyone who read this, or Chuck vs. the Pregnancy, during my hiatus. Seeing reviews, and favourites, and alerts in my inbox as I was studying was a really big confidence boost, and it made me want to finish school that much quicker to get back to writing. So THANK YOU TO EVERYONE! I love you all!

* * *

><p>Heart vs. Brain - Chapter 4<p>

* * *

><p>It wasn't this bad yesterday, it really wasn't. Sarah was fine, other than the on-again-off-again cold she has been nursing ever since she found a part time job a few weeks ago. But it seems something about today caused her body to give up and let the sickness take over, leaving Sarah a helpless heap on the couch, too tired to change the channel on the TV from whatever movie is loudly blaring.<p>

Sarah takes a deep breathe, thinking back on the last few weeks. Chuck had finally stopped being so overbearing, finally giving her some space, though Sarah can tell how much it is breaking his heart that she isn't in love with him yet. And Sarah is a little mad about how long it is taking too. But he is giving her time and letting her find a job, which, when the only things you can put on a resume are "hot dog girl" and "fro-yo server" and the myriad of other cover jobs Sarah has had over the years, it really limits one's ability to find a job. So when Sarah had finally found something that she not only would enjoy, but is also good at, it really made Sarah believe that she could live this new life until Chuck can find her a place at Carmichael Industries (or until she feels comfortable working there). Closing her eyes with the last bit of strength she can find before her mind begins to go all fuzzy, Sarah thinks back on that day…

* * *

><p>"Chuck!" Sarah had called, as the door slammed behind her and she raced into the small apartment. "Chuck!"<p>

There was a small clatter then Chuck came running out from the bathroom, a toothbrush hanging precariously from his mouth. "What is it? Is something wrong?" His face looked panicked, and Sarah had realized that she must've messed up excited and anxious in her calls.

"No, no, everything is fine. I got a job!" She exclaimed excitedly, watching with eager anticipation as Chuck's face lit up.

"One minute" Chuck said, and then he ran out of the room and back to the bathroom. Before Sarah had the chance to get confused, Chuck returned – mouth devoid of toothpaste – and lifted Sarah up into a spinning twirl. As he lowered her down, her breath caught upon being so close to a freshly-washed Chuck. Their eyes met, and Sarah gave a little smile. She leaned in and pecked Chuck quickly on the lips, then pulled herself away before he got any ideas. Then, on second thought, Sarah leaned back down and let her mouth linger over Chuck's, allowed her excitement to show through via her wandering tongue. When she finally pulled back, Chuck's eyes were closed and a smile was lingering on his face.

"Wow… um… you are really excited…"

Sarah stood still, nodding with a small smile on her face.

Chuck followed as Sarah wandered further into the house. "So where is your new job?" he asked.

"Guess." Sarah answered simply.

"Weinerlicious."

"No!" Sarah's arm playfully smacked Chucks forehead, a hand coming up to rub the spot.

"Now that is going to bruise!"

"Stop being such a baby, I barely touched you." Sarah replied. "Now keep guessing, and nothing stupid."

"Nothing stupid…" Chuck mused over the question for a moment before coming out with another guess.  
>"Large Mart?"<p>

Sarah shook her head. "Stupid."

"A secret government agency?"

Another no.

"Verbanski Corp?"

Negative. "You have one guess left Chuck." Sarah smiled. There was no way Chuck could figure it out.

"Um… Yogurt Hut in the mall?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. "Come on, that was a terrible last guess. Too bad you'll never know now…"

"Sarah, come on! Just tell me!"

Sarah looked over at the puppy dog eyes Chuck was giving her, and it only took her a few moments before she caved. Gosh that man was sneaking into her heart good.

"I'm teaching karate and Tae Kwon Do at a local Dojo." Sarah said simply, and then she turned to the kitchen to get some coffee.

"Sarah that's awesome!" Chuck laughed, though Sarah wasn't all too sure why he was laughing. It was a well-paying job and she only had to teach a few classes per day. Still loads of free time. "But wait… teaching? Are you qualified to work with kids?"

Sarah turned to face Chuck. "Are you teasing me or is this a legitimate question?"

"Both." Chuck answered.

"We did take a course at the academy on consulting with minors. And I do have certification in seven different fighting styles. How hard can a group of seven year olds be to handle?"

Chuck had laughed at that, obviously thinking it is much harder than Sarah was anticipating. He graciously accepted the cup of coffee she offered.

"Besides, it will be great practice for having our own."

The next thing she knew, Sarah was laughing on the floor, coffee strewn out of Chuck's mouth and nose across the floor.

* * *

><p>Sarah's mind is breaking, unable to differentiate between the noise from the television and her own thoughts. She wants more medicine, but can't recall the last time she had taken it. Maybe it was two hours ago, maybe five. Maybe no more than five minutes. She can barely even remember where she had strewn the medicine after her last dose.<p>

She struggles to remember if the visions flashing through her mind are real memories or fake memories or hidden memories she has never accessed or made up by her hazy sickness. She hopes the one she had just replayed is real, because she thinks she remembers kissing Chuck for at least five minutes in celebration of her new job. Or maybe that was five minutes of kissing from before her memories were lost. Or maybe…

At least the real, legitimate, actual memories of her relationship with Chuck are starting to pile up. If Sarah had more strength she would delve into it more. But right now, all she can do is curl deeper under the covers and try to stop the world from spinning in front of her. If only Chuck hadn't gone to a game night with Morgan after work. If only he knew how sick Sarah was when she woke up, that she hadn't gone in to teach her 6PM black belt and 7:30 adult classes. If only Sarah had bothered to call Chuck when she had the strength to move. If only Sarah could recall anything other than the flashes of maybe memories going through her mind.

* * *

><p>Cold. Extreme heat, yet also complete and utter frozenness. The clash of two forces fighting.<p>

Her entire body feels on fire. She should be freezing, sitting in the vat of ice, but she isn't. The ice is welcomed. It feels amazing against her heated skin. She could sink into it and melt away. But… no. Something isn't right.

Her hand gets lifted by something warm, the heat radiating down her arm and dropping off by the coolness of the ice. She shouldn't be here. It isn't right. She has somewhere to be, somewhere important. Somewhere involving something white, twist ties, her CATs…

She can vaguely hear the sound of beeping and people talking, but all of her focus is on the warm weight lifting her hand. That weight is the most important thing in the room, the only thing she should be focusing on.

"Chuck?" She says, her eyes opening slightly.

"Hey, baby. Hi. I'm right here." She can feel his hand slowly stroking her hair. But things don't seem right.

"You look worried." It comes out gravelly.

"No, you know, just wedding stuff."

What is he worried about? They practiced. They had their run through, and now they can do it for real. "Don't freak out. We're ready for..." Her mind blanks out, her eyes shutting. She wants to get that last word out, remind Chuck they're ready for anything, but it's as if her mind and her mouth have cut each other off.

"Baby, I'm going to fix this." She hears, her ears straining to find purchase. Her ears finally focus on something, but Chuck doesn't sound happy at all. Shouldn't he be? They're getting married tomorrow. "We're going to be together. Forever." He says. "I love you."

Sarah wants to smile. She wants to nod and agree, but her body isn't cooperating. She wants to reach up and place a kiss on his lips, remind him of how much she loves him, tell him everything is going to be okay, but she can't. She feels all of her strength fade as Chuck stands up, talking to the others in the room in an authoritative voice and leaving.

Why does he always leave her?

* * *

><p>About two weeks into teaching lessons almost nightly, or at least that's what Sarah thinks is the time frame, she returned home from work with a pounding headache, sore muscles and a stuffed up nose. She completely ignored everything on her way home, quickly waving goodbye to her students and dry swallowing some aspirin as she drove. And upon entering the living room, she collapsed onto the couch and let out a loud groan, completely oblivious to the placement of her head on the current couch's occupant.<p>

"You okay?" Chuck had asked, the hint of a smile in his voice as he paused his video game and moved a hand down to stroke Sarah's hair. Her eyes closed and her body relaxed more into the calming strokes, her headache starting to dissipate with just the calm touch Chuck was placing on her.

The only noise Sarah was able to make in response was a small moan, equal parts pleasure and pain. She closed her eyes and snuggled more into her husband's lap.

"Maybe you should slow down a bit." Chuck said, his hands never stopping their ministrations. "Two to three classes a night, plus your morning runs, plus trying to live a normal life seems to have caught up to you."

"Nothing has caught up to me." Sarah said, her nasal voice betraying her words. "I'm just… I have a headache."

"Sounds like you have a case of kindergarten teacher syndrome to me." Chuck laughed as his body leaned over to place a blanket over Sarah.

"Kindergarten what?" Sarah asked. She wondered if this was another one of Morgan's weird theories – he seemed to have quite a few of them.

"I'll make you some soup, it'll make you feel better." Chuck slowly maneuvered himself out from under Sarah's head, replacing his lap with a pillow.

"I'd rather have some wine." Sarah muttered.

"Well, soup is better for your cold." Chuck replied. Sarah's response was a grunt, and another question about this theory of Chuck's.

"You better not be mocking me! I teach kids self-defense, not their ABCs. Plus I teach lots of adults too." Sarah said, her voice as loud as it could go.

"I know, I know. And I'm not mocking you!" Chuck replied. "Kindergarten teacher syndrome – it's a proven fact! When someone starts a new job working with lots of kids," Chuck stopped his explanation for a moment to turn on the stove and grab the pot, "for example, a kindergarten teacher, they pretty much have a perpetual cold for the first year or so."

"And why is that?" Sarah asked. "Oh, and can you make chicken noodle?"

Chuck let out a laugh. "Of course I can." He returned the can of plain chicken soup back into the cupboard before grabbing the chicken noodle. "And the reason, my dear Sarah, is because kids are carrying all sorts of germs that us adults aren't used to. So, throw a perfectly healthy adult human with a bunch of bite-sized ones, and voila. Instant adult cold."

"Yeah, yeah." Sarah replied. "I'll be over it in a week. No bug is taking Sarah Walker down for any longer than that."

"Whatever you say." Chuck called back from the kitchen with a laugh.

* * *

><p>"I'll be over it in a week." Sarah thought, her eyes rolling behind closed lids. Yeah right. That was three weeks ago, as far as Sarah can remember, and the cold has not only lasted for three weeks, it has become progressively worse as it went on. Since that night, though, Sarah has been trying to hide her illness from Chuck.<p>

She vaguely remembers not wanting him to baby her or take care of her, but now all she can wish for is Chuck to get home soon and nurse her back to health. Or maybe help her stop shivering or eat something or keep her eyes open longer than five minutes. She can't even remember what was going through her mind when she didn't call him first thing when she woke up that morning. She tries to preoccupy herself with another memory – another REAL memory of Chuck. But eventually her mind's incoherency can't stop her body from finally entering a restless and dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>When Chuck arrives home, it is nearing ten o'clock. His first instinct is to run to Sarah's room, to make sure she is okay. As much as Sarah wants to believe she has been covering it up, Chuck knows how she is sick and had been keeping tabs on her. He even left some soup in the fridge for her to have at lunch, and some extra aspirin on the table. What he didn't expect, however, was to come home and find Sarah lying on the couch, the covers strewn off of her very pale and shivering frame and dark circles etched beneath her eyes.<p>

"Oh Sarah," Chuck lets out, dropping his bag and moving over to sit in front of his wife. He knew game night with Morgan was a bad idea. Chuck reaches out a tentative hand to her forehead, pulling it back upon feeling the radiating heat erupting from her body. There is an almost untouched water bottle beside the couch, an open bottle of aspirin next to it. From what he can see, the kitchen looks almost exactly the same as it was when he left early that morning for work. Top that all off with Sarah still in the pajamas she has been wearing all week, and Chuck knows that the next few hours will be spent doing his only real job; taking care of his wife.

Though they've been living with an almost unwritten set out boundaries ever since Sarah moved back in, Chuck scraps all of them in favor of helping Sarah get better. He leans over and places a soft kiss on her forehead, growing angry at himself for not realizing Sarah is this sick. He has been watching her for weeks, how could he not tell she is running a fever?

Without thinking, Chuck scoops up Sarah's shivering body and walks her down the hallway. Her body stops shaking as he holds her close, though if he could somehow get Sarah into more clothing than a tank top and shorts she might be warmer. Reaching the bedroom, he awkwardly maneuvers until he can pull back the covers with one hand, and then quickly slides Sarah in. Rushing back into the living room, Chuck grabs the water bottle and aspirin and places them on the side-table next to Sarah. Her body is shivering again underneath the covers, and Chuck looks around the room for anything else he can use as a blanket. Another quick run to the living room has Chuck returning with the extra blankets and carefully covering Sarah up to her neck with warm fleece.

"Sarah, why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" Chuck whispers, his hand stroking Sarah's hair like it did the first time she had come home sick. His head turns aimlessly around the room, his mind trying to think of anything else that will help bring Sarah's fever down. All he could think of is what Ellie used to do when Chuck was younger – placing a cold, wet towel on his forehead.

He gives Sarah one more lingering stroke down her cheek and heads to the bathroom for a towel. When he returns, a towel in one hand and a bucket of ice water in the other, Chuck can't help but feel that Sarah is so small when she is sick. Sure, right now it is just a high fever and not a poison attacking her DNA, but seeing Sarah unable to move and so frail-looking…

Chuck shakes his head – he cannot think like this. He almost lost Sarah too many times to think that something small like a fever will take her away. So Chuck takes the towel and wets it with the ice water, wringing out the extra moisture before placing it on Sarah's forehead. It only takes a minute or two before Sarah's heated skin warms the towel back up. Chuck again dips it into the cold water and reapplies the compress to Sarah's head.

Chuck doesn't know how long he sits by their bed – by Sarah's bed (Chuck keeps forgetting that he is sleeping in Morgan's old room right now) – and continues to replace the towel and stroke Sarah's hair. Eventually it gets to the point where she stops shivering and it takes a few long minutes for the compress to warm up, and Chuck figures there is really nothing else he can do until she wakes up. He removes his slippers and leaves them by the bed and takes out her robe, in case Sarah wakes up and goes wandering in the middle of the night. He longingly looks at the empty side of the bed, but upon consideration that Sarah is already feeling weak and vulnerable and might think he is taking advantage of her, just replaces the compress one last time, places a kiss to Sarah's cheek, then wanders off to Morgan's old room for bed.

Before drifting off, he sends a quick text to Morgan explaining the predicament and that he is taking a few days off from work. He makes sure to leave the door open, though, just in case he needs to get up quickly. If he could, Chuck would be sleeping next to Sarah, keeping her warm and protected while her body fights to get better. But instead, all he does is dream of a day when he can finally sleep with his wife rightfully back in her place – falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

><p>Maybe an hour after she drifted off, maybe six - Sarah really can't tell – her body wakes up with a jolt and a long bout of shivering. She lets out a small cough and something damp falls off of her face. Some sort of towel, maybe? Sarah can't tell. All she knows is she is tired, and cold, and shivering, and Chuck isn't there with her telling her everything is going to be okay.<p>

Her body moves slowly, the shivers intensifying as the multitude of covers drop off her thin frame. She looks around the room for a moment confused as to why her husband isn't there as well. Maybe he doesn't want to get sick? She grabs the pair of slippers sitting near the bed – they are blue and too big for her feet and probably Chuck's. There is something sitting on a chair nearby, but she ignores it. She mindlessly moves to a dresser, pulling out an oversized Stanford sweater that is so long it falls down to the top of her thighs and covers all the other clothing she is wearing. One more sweep of the room confirms that Chuck is nowhere to be found, and Sarah's feet begin shuffling her into the hallway.

"Chuck?" Sarah calls, but her voice is groggy and thick from lack of use and it comes out more as a moaning whisper. Her feet drag slowly and she has to stop ever few steps to control her shaking. Finally, after what seems like an eternity and no time at all to her fever-clouded mind, Sarah reaches the open door to the spare bedroom. She moves to take another step, but stops as a violent cough rakes her body. She stops, her breathing ragged as she hears the sound of someone moving inside the bedroom.

"Sarah?" Chuck asks, and Sarah feels her body relax instantly as his warm arms wrap around her body. "What are you doing out of bed?"

"C… co… cold…" Sarah manages to get out between shivers, her body instinctively leaning in to Chuck's heat. She feels him stroke a hand down her cheek and place his lips to her forehead. He says something about her burning up – but how can she be warm when she feels so cold?

"Sarah, you should go back to bed." Sarah doesn't listen, and just leans in further searching for more warmth. Chuck must've realized she won't move on her own, because he slowly turns her body and uses his own to maneuver them back into the main bedroom. This walk seems shorter than the one down the hall, but maybe Chuck's musky scent and warmth and soothing touch and calming voice are all clouding Sarah's mind somehow. Eventually she feels something small and cold on her lips, and is slowly coaxed by the calming voice to drink some water and swallow whatever it was she was swallowing.

It takes a moment for Sarah to realize that she is lying in bed again, that there is something cold on her head and that her shivers are returning. She feels a kiss on her cheek, and some more blankets being piled on top of her, and then nothing. Sarah opens her eyes a sliver to see Chuck moving to leave the bedroom.

"Nooo…" Sarah says, her voice weak. Chuck stops and turns to look at Sarah.

"You need to sleep, Sarah." Chuck replies. Sarah doesn't really understand what he is saying, just that Chuck is leaving and she really, really wants him to stay.

"Cold." She says again, her shivering body showing how true the word is.

"I gave you all the blankets." Chuck says, his body moving closer to the bed.

"Cold." Sarah repeats, her eyes resting on Chuck and pleading him.

"I don't know what you want." Chuck says, reaching down to stroke his hand over Sarah's cheek.

Her body leans in to the touch, and she stops shivering. Finally, Chuck thinks he realizes what Sarah wants. And while a part of him is elated, another part is terrified of what Sarah will do when she wakes up from her fever.

"Okay, but only for a few hours." Chuck says, carefully pulling the blankets back and bringing his body up close to Sarah's. He wraps an arm around her and Sarah's body turns to rest next to his. It's like two pieces of a puzzle finally connecting – they fit together so well. It only takes a second for Sarah's body to stop shivering and for her to relax, a hand snaking its way over Chuck's and grasping him tightly.

Chuck smiles into Sarah's hair, placing a kiss behind her ear. "Feel better, Sarah." He whispers quietly, reveling in the moment that her self-conscious has finally decided to rely on him again. "I love you."

* * *

><p>When Sarah wakes up in the morning, the first thing that registers is the coherency of her thoughts. She isn't bouncing back and forth anymore, jumping between daydreams and memories and almost memories. She repeats the mantra in her head that has been a daily thing ever since moving back in with Chuck: "My name is Sarah Walker. I am married to Chuck Bartowski. He loves me. I think I might love him. I am no longer a spy. I still can't get that damn song out of my head." She takes a deep breath in, reveling in hearing her thoughts again.<p>

The second thing she notices is a warm body behind her, arms wrapped snugly around her body and holding her in tight. She takes a second deep breath in, this time focusing on the smell. It's manly, and the scent consumes her body and brings her right back to that kiss on the beach. Her body relaxes again upon realizing that it isn't some strange man behind her and is in fact just her Chuck. Two seconds later, it tenses up again, realizing the position the two of them are in and the fairly low state of dress of Sarah's legs.

Sarah's back is firmly pressed against Chuck's front, pressing into the curves and folds of his body. She can feel every part of him, from the stubble on his cheek rubbing against her neck to the beat of his heart, strong and steady, to the hand resting protectively over Sarah's stomach, to the hairs on his leg tickling her own bare ones, to the curve of his-

Sarah cuts her own mind off, because as much as her heart wants to go there and practically live there for the rest of eternity, her mind is definitely not ready to take that step. Well… almost not ready, she thinks as she lingers half a second longer in that position.

Eventually she scooches forward on the bed, keeping Chuck securely wrapped around her yet moving their lower halves a few inches apart.

It feels… nice. Safe. Not claustrophobic, like being wrapped by Chuck's arms had only a few short weeks ago. Maybe it's her heart finally making her brain adjust. Maybe time really does heal all wounds. Maybe she just needs to smile and relax and let nature take its course, because clearly there is something between them that cannot be stopped.

Sarah closes her eyes, hoping to sleep off her sickness a little more, but her body jolts still as her stomach grumbles loudly. She feels Chuck moving behind her just as she starts to register how truly hungry she is. Living off of aspirin and water for a day, and tossing up anything that manages to get swallowed, can really bring the hunger pangs on. Her stomach grumbles again and she feels Chuck's lips move to her neck, placing a soft kiss there.

"Good morning." He says quietly. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Sarah replies, but her voice is thick from sleep and lack of use, and her throat is scratchy and dry. Chuck leans over Sarah and grabs a water bottle off the side table, silently passing it to Sarah along with some more medication. She gratefully accepts the offer, greedily gulping the water down then finally swallowing the pill as well.

"Better," she repeats, her voice now much stronger though still showing signs of illness. She turns around in the bed so now she is face to face with Chuck, and before she can do anything he is placing a kiss on her forehead.

"What was that for? Do you want to get sick?" Sarah asks.

"I think your fever broke." Chuck replies. Instantly Sarah is embarrassed. Of course Chuck was making sure she was okay and not just randomly kissing her. "And besides, we slept in the same bed. And pretty cozily, might I add. Plus we live together. I think whatever you had I'll have anyways."

Sarah nods. "Well, care to explain to me why we are in the same bed, and quite cozily, as you added?"

"You…" Chuck starts. He looks at Sarah, staring into her eyes, hoping to find some recognition. "You don't remember last night at all?"

Sarah looks right back at Chuck. "What happened last night? We didn't…"

"Oh, no!" Chuck's eyes widen with surprise. "No! We didn't! Nothing like – No, Sarah I wouldn't! Now when you're- You really don't remember?"

She shakes her head, the anger starting to build. Why won't he just tell her already? It must not've been that bad.

"Hey, no, don't get angry. Nothing happened. You were just sick and delirious and you came looking for me, so I put you back into bed. I was going to leave you here, like a good married-but-not-sleeping-in-the-same-bed-husband should do, but you insisted. You said you were-"

"Cold." Sarah finishes, a little recognition coming back in between cloudy memories.

"Cold." Chuck repeats.

The two sit in silence for a minute, and then Chuck realizes that he is still in bed with a not-yet-ready and half-naked Sarah and he quickly slides out to stand next to the bed. Sarah doesn't know why, but she feels a little sad and a little empty as the covers lose the heat from Chuck's body.

"So, I'll just… let you…" Chuck begins awkwardly, unsure how to act. Thankfully, Sarah's stomach decides to make its presence once again known, and lets out a loud grumble.

"I'll go make you some breakfast." Chuck finishes, checking the clock and seeing the time. "Or… lunch, that is."

He turns to leave, but stops once he hits the doorframe. "Are omelets okay? Or would you prefer waffles?"

Sarah thinks for a moment, but not about lunch. When she doesn't answer, Chuck takes a tentative step into the bedroom.

"Is everything okay, Sarah? Is making omelets too much? Should I have offered something easier to eat? Oh gosh, I'm smothering you again, aren't I?" Chuck rambles.

"Chuck, stop." Sarah says, quickly hushing her husband. She slowly sits up in bed, her muscles stiff and sore. "I…" She takes a deep breath. _Remember, Sarah_, her heart and mind say together. _You are ready for this_.

"I want you to sleep here from now on." Her heart lets out a small jump of joy and her mind breathes a sigh of relief. Something about waking up in Chuck's arms today, about letting him take care of her and hold her, it brought out some long hidden need to be protected. And not just by spy moves and by keeping a safe emotional distance. It brought out a need to be protected by trusting someone completely. And how else can a spy give up their own protection than by letting someone in during the vulnerable state of sleep?

Chuck's face had lit up, and he is doing his best not to run and jump on Sarah and kiss her as hard as he can. He knows the first thing he is going to do once he leaves the room is to call Ellie – calling Ellie about these small improvements in Sarah is what makes them real to Chuck. His mind is racing and his heart is overjoyed, but again he wonders if making a big deal out of it will freak Sarah out too much. So he continues smiling, and asks Sarah a simple question: "Omelets or waffles?"

Sarah's face breaks out into a smile because, for reasons unbeknownst to her, Chuck just understands. He understands that they can be excited about this, but that it is a big step and Chuck needs to still keep his distance, at least until tonight. He understands that, even with all this progress and the fact that she thinks she really might love him (though she hasn't told him that yet), she is still guarded and protected. Or maybe he just knows that she is starving.

And maybe Sarah is still sick, and maybe Chuck will get sick too, and maybe their situation still isn't the greatest, but it is improving. And that is really all Sarah can ask for.

So Sarah leans back in bed, takes a deep breath, and gives Chuck another dazzling smile. "Waffles."

* * *

><p>.<p>

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading!<p>

I am finishing this story for me, whether people are reading it or not. However I would love your opinion on this chapter and if you would like to see me finishing. I hope the answer is a resounding Yes.

All reviews are appreciated, including constructive criticism. But if you absolutely hated it or want to bash me or something, please do so in PM. Because tearing me down will do nothing buy harm my self esteem. And I prefer for that to be only harmed by me.

Feel free to stop by my tumblr and say Hi, or send me a message! The link is on my profile page.

Love you all! BrittJK


	5. Chapter 5

Once again, I suck. But I hope this 7500 word chapter makes up for that. So I am two weeks late... *silently prays you won't hate me* The ending here will probably really make up for it though ;) This is all the authors note you get because I want you to read the chapter!

Disclaimer: If I wrote Chuck, I would churn out episodes much faster. And probably would get my tenses right as well.

* * *

><p>Chapter 5<p>

* * *

><p>Sarah could learn to enjoy this life. Waking up wrapped in someone's warm and loving arms and snuggling back into them without worry of knives of gunplay; having a normal job, a normal boyfriend, a normal life.<p>

These past few weeks with Chuck sleeping next to her have been great. If she gets cold, she has someone to snuggle up to. If one of them has had a bad day, they can talk about it. If they're fighting, Sarah always tries to iron everything out before they go to sleep. And when Chuck had inevitably gotten sick after Sarah had, nursing him back to health wasn't completely repulsive either. She actually found it quite nice to be relied on in more than a "get the job done" capacity. Plus he looked so adorable cuddled up in bed.

They are getting closer, and Sarah hopes this is what their relationship was like before, because she is really happy. She still can't remember too many memories, sure bits and pieces and flashes every so often, but it is the new memories that are doing it for her. Coming home to Chuck already placing dinner on the table, waking up at 5AM to see him in the middle of a raid on his Xbox with Morgan, taking walks along the beach just to pass the time, or watching his face light up every time she says something remotely positive about "them". It's these new memories that are really making Sarah believe she is in love with this adorable, charming, loving nerd.

And then there is the kissing. Oh, the kissing. It is becoming one of Sarah's most favourite pastimes. And she thought she had enjoyed kissing Chuck on the couch? Well the bed is much, much nicer. Hands can roam, mouths can linger, and it is much larger than the couch allowing for a better body to surface ratio. Oh, god yes, Sarah could definitely get used to the bed kissing, and more… though they've never gone any further than that.

It's not that Sarah doesn't want to – in the past week or so her body seems to be screaming for more touching, more feeling, more _everything_. It's just Chuck… he seems to want everything to move at Sarah's pace. To move slowly, to make sure she is comfortable. And Sarah is good at reading people. She knows he wants her, has wanted her, for a really _really_ long time now. But he is too nervous to ask, perhaps too scared he will be coming on too strong and scare her mind away. But it is quite clear to Sarah now that she will never be scared away – she is in it for the long haul.

Sarah snuggles back into Chuck, a small smile growing on her face as she realizes just how much Chuck wants her. Or maybe it's just the morning. Regardless, Sarah feels quite ready for what can (and hopefully will) come next. She feels Chuck stir behind her, and smiles to herself as she pulls his arms tighter around her waist.

"Good morning." She says, pushing the boundaries and moving herself even further into Chuck's space, desperately hoping this will work.

"Good morn-" Chuck abruptly pauses in his mumbling, obviously noticing how blatant his arousal is. He takes a deep breath and awkwardly finishes with a high pitched "-ing."

Sarah internally lets out a groan, realizing Chuck is not really going to be up for anything today. To save herself the secondhand embarrassment (which, let's face it, her husband-slash-steady-live-in-boyfriend is ashamed to have a boner in front of her. This is already embarrassing) she rolls over, moving their lower halves farther apart but keeping their chests and faces close.

"I should…" Chuck says, an arm moving from its spot around Sarah's back to motion to the door.

She leans in to place a quick, closed mouth kiss on his lips. "You know, Chuck, we can talk about this." Sarah says upon pulling away. She hopes she sounds more like the Sarah he used to know, the one who was there through everything and anything.

"Talk?" Chuck says, his body already moving out from under the covers and his arm reaching for the robe hanging off the computer chair. "Talk about what? I just have to go… freshen up." He stands up, his front never facing Sarah, and heads out the door as quickly as humanly possible.

Once she hears the bathroom door close and the water start running, Sarah lets out a loud groan and collapses back onto the sheets. How hard can it possibly be to get your husband in bed?

* * *

><p>Chuck left for work almost immediately after he finished showering, leaving a note and some pancakes still warm on the table for Sarah. The warm breakfast was mocking Sarah, so instead she grabbed some bread and threw it in the toaster oven, refusing to eat Chuck's pity pancakes.<p>

She watches her bread slowly turn brown, mind wandering over the past few weeks and why Chuck is still having such a weird reaction to them being intimate. It has to be something to do with her, something to do with her memory being gone, as she remembers Casey teasing her (yeah, still weird to think about) that they used to go at it like bunnies. It's almost as if she is that piece of bread, starting out plain and whole, and slowly toasting as Chuck warms her heart.

Sarah leans onto the counter, her head falling between her hands. That is the dumbest analogy she has ever come up with. Sarah isn't bread, and Chuck isn't a damn toaster. Although… if Chuck is turning her into toast, then why on earth won't he eat her? Okay, never mind, her brain just topped itself. Sarah really should eat something.

There has to be an easy solution to this, but what? She used to be so good at reading people, so good at understanding their every move. As a spy, she was trained to know what her targets wanted, who they wanted, how to manipulate and seduce them. Wait… that's it! Chuck needs to be seduced! Why didn't she see this before?

With new vigor Sarah dashes into the bedroom, pulling out different pieces of underwear from her drawers. There are some nice bras, negligees, babydolls, but nothing that screams "do me now!" and nothing that Sarah would've warn on a seduction mission. She must've gotten rid of most of it in her haste to get away from Chuck's smothering so many weeks ago. Sarah does find one bustier that looks like the flattering pieces she used to wear, only it has adjoining wings. Wings? Is Chuck into that? Not wanting to question anything, Sarah files it away for later and continues searching.

Next she tries the closet, only coming away with a gaggle of black cat suits, clearly only used on missions. That won't work either. Something red in the back catches her eye, but before she can reach it a loud beeping noise pierces her ears.

"Crap! The toast!" Sarah says, dashing back into the kitchen to find the toaster oven smoking in a cloud of black. She quickly unplugs the monstrosity and dumps the toaster in the sink. Using one hand to turn on the cold water, she grabs an oven mitt and opens the toaster. Then she holds her breath and reaches over to open the nearest window.

Oh yeah, Chuck is definitely the toaster. Leaving his mark on her so much that she is burnt to a crisp and in no way salvageable. She is covered in him, and wouldn't want it any other way. Yes, Sarah smiles to herself, this is a much better use of that metaphor.

It takes a minute for Sarah's lungs to clear as the smoke slowly dissipates, and she looks at the burnt remains of what used to be bread. She laughs at herself, and finally Sarah sits at the table and slowly pours syrup onto the pancakes Chuck had made her earlier.

* * *

><p>Sarah paces the apartment. It's one o'clock and she needs to get this finished before her four o'clock classes. She stares down at the phone in her hand, starts to dial, and quickly hangs up before she reaches the last number.<p>

What is so wrong with her? Is it really this hard to make friends? To talk to someone? Well, yes, Sarah had apparently been close with Ellie before the brain melting, so much so that Ellie was her maid of honour. So they really must be friends, right? So then why is it so hard to make one stupid phone call?

"Because she knows you," Sarah says out loud. "Or at least she knows the old you. And you don't know her." A groan is released as Sarah collapses on the couch, bringing the phone with her. Maybe Ellie won't be home and she can just hang up?

"You are overthinking this." Sarah's fingers begin dialing the number. "Just rip it off like a bandaid." She pulls the phone up to her ear, but promptly hangs up after the first ring.

"No, no. I can't do this." Sarah throws the phone on the couch and gets up, pacing around the room. "You cannot call your husband's sister for sex advice. That is just…"

The phone rings from its spot on the couch. A momentary shot of panic spreads through Sarah. What if Ellie has call display and could see who was calling? No… there is no way. And it could just be Chuck calling.

She tentatively picks up the phone and turns it over, the smiling faces of Eleanor and Devon Woodcomb staring back at her.

"Oh god, oh god." Sarah mutters. "Like a bandaid…" She hits the answer key and brings it to her ear before she can have a second thought.

"Hello? Sarah?" Ellie's voice sounds slightly panicked on the other end of the line.

"Ellie. Hi." Sarah has no idea what else to say.

"Is everything okay? I got a call from you but it hung up so quickly." Sarah can hear the sound of Clara crying in the background, plus the worry etched all over Ellie's voice.

"No, no. Everything is fine." A sigh of relief is heard over the line. "I just wanted to..." Sarah tries to come up with the proper word, "…chat?"

"Okay." Ellie replies. "Sarah, are you sure nothing is wrong? You've never called just to chat."

"Well…" Sarah says, the lies beginning to flow out easily as the conversation continues, "I just figured that we used to be such good friends and I wanted us to get back there. Or, close to there."

"Sarah," Ellie says, her voice cracking. "That is great! I am so glad you want to talk. Just let me put Clara down for her nap and I'll be right with you, okay?"

"Okay." Sarah replies. She waits as the line goes dead for a few moments, her thoughts swimming. Was that really a lie? Or does she really want to be friends with Ellie again? Sure, she and Chuck have gone on double dates with Morgan and Alex, and Sarah is starting to grow fond of the brunette. But is Sarah there yet in her healing that she can be friends with someone like Ellie? Someone so overbearing and loving and just… the girl version of Chuck? Well, maybe it'll help that she is so far away. No face to face, constantly bumping into each other awkwardness like the beginning of her and Chuck's new relationship. If only she had her memories back!

"Sarah? You still here?"

"Yeah, I am." Sarah replies, her back straightening and her body moving towards the living room couch. This really is the first time she is reaching out to Ellie. Yes, Chuck talks to his sister on a weekly basis, and occasionally Sarah and Ellie say a few words to each other on the phone calls, but she has never actively seeked out advice or friendship. Maybe Sarah Walker really is changing into the Sarah Bartowski these people used to know.

"Good. I'm so sorry about that, it's impossible to have a normal conversation with a toddler climbing all over you."

"It is really no problem," Sarah replies.

"I am so glad you called! I've been meaning to talk to you! Is it weird if I say I miss you? Or just weird for you?" Ellie asks, but she instantly retracts the question. "Oh god, don't answer that! I didn't mean I missed the old you, I mean I miss you in general. I missed any incarnation of Sarah!"

A small laugh is released by Sarah, and she is surprised to find herself relieved at how easily her brain problems come up in conversation and how easily she can ignore it. "Really, Ellie, it's okay. I… I think I missed you too."

"Really? Oh, that is so great to hear!" Ellie says, her voice raw with emotion. "So tell me about your new job! Chuck says you really love it!"

"It's great, and I love my students. It's nice to have a life outside of the spy game, something separate from Chuck." Sarah says. "Not that I don't enjoy having Chuck around – that is not what I mean at all!"

Ellie laughs, "Sarah, calm down. I am not thinking you aren't enjoying your life with my brother. Trust me, if I didn't have my own friends at the hospital and my mommy groups, I would go crazy only talking to Devon. Everything you are feeling is perfectly normal."

"I guess you're right," Sarah says in agreement. "I just keep second guessing myself. I feel the people I talk to think I don't love being with Chuck. Because I do! I am really starting to see the relationship we used to have, and starting to want it too."

"Sarah, that is amazing," Ellie says. "But just remember that it doesn't matter what anyone else says or thinks. I've worked with lots of brain injuries, and everyone comes to terms with their new lives at a different pace. Just, let things happen as you want them to happen. No one can stop you from staying still or moving forward but you."

"That might not be so true," Sarah mutters under her breath.

"What was that?" Ellie asks.

Sarah freezes, her eyes going wide. Ellie was definitely not supposed to hear that. Well, maybe this is good. After all, it is the reason Sarah had called Ellie in the first place. Although, now that they're talking, and Sarah is actually enjoying hearing Ellie's advice, she isn't so sure delving into Chuck's sex life might be such a good idea anymore.

"If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine." Ellie says, breaking Sarah out of her train of thought.

"Ellie, I…" Sarah pauses, unsure how to delve into this topic. What is so hard about it though? She is a spy, able to handle any situation with ease. No, she was a spy. Was. Maybe that means these situations will get harder as she loses practice. "I need to talk to you about Chuck."

Ellie sucks in a breath. "Oh god, is he smothering you again? Let me talk to him. Sometimes my brother just wants to do good, and gets way too overbearing, and-"

"No, Ellie," Sarah says, interrupting the older woman's small rant. "The opposite, really."

"He's… not smothering you enough?" Ellie asks.

"Sort of," Sarah lets out a laugh, realizing just how awkward the next few minutes might be. "He won't… Chuck stops every time we get close to having sex, and it's starting to annoy me a little."

"So, you want to have sex?"

"Yes."

"With my brother?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sarah lets out a laugh. "Ellie!"

"Okay, I'm sorry. Just a little teasing from the sister. So, you want to have sex… but?" Ellie asks.

"But…" Sarah tries to think of the proper way to word her dilemma. "Chuck keeps running away at the first signs of being aroused."

The line goes quiet for a minute, then Sarah is greeted by a growing laughter from Ellie. Eventually, the absurdity of the situation causes Sarah to break out into a fit of giggles as well.

"Oh, gosh, okay," Ellie gets out in between laughs. "I kind of figured this was where it was going… but… Sarah… You called me for sex advice about my baby brother." It takes a moment for Ellie to calm herself. "Let's leave out the major details, okay? I may be a doctor but he is still my baby brother and I really don't want to think of the specifics when it comes to him and sex."

"Sounds good," Sarah replies, her laughs finally calming down.

"So… is he having any trouble in that… department?" Ellie asks. "Oh gosh, this is Chuck, and I am talking about if he can get it up. You should really talk to Devon if that's the problem."

Sarah shakes her head, "No, he is doing fine there. It's just... Every time I make advances, he dashes into the other room, or to take a shower, or any excuse really to not be with me."

"Oh, Sarah." Ellie says, sensing the insecurities in Sarah that every girl in a relationship harbors.

"What if… dammit!" Sarah says, the feel of tears welling up in her eyes. When she speaks again, her voice is quieter than Ellie has ever heard. "What if he doesn't want me?"

Ellie can feel her heart break for Sarah, this wonderful woman that her brother is so madly in love with that he doesn't want to push her too far. This woman who spent the last few months learning how to love again, and yet is feeling rejected when Chuck denies her advances.

"Sarah, I talk to my brother at least three times a week, and most of the things he tells me is about how much he loves you, or how proud he is of you, or how he hopes to spend the rest of his life with you. He in no way doesn't want you."

"Then why won't he sleep with me?" Sarah asks, completely abandoning her feign of happiness and letting her tears fall. "If he loves me so much, why does he run when I try to tell him I want more?"

Ellie stops to think for a minute. "Sarah, here is the thing about my brother. The first time he fell in love with you, you had many other men vying for your attention, and Chuck was jealous. He knew of you were a spy, knew what types of missions you went on, and knew you had your pick of every guy in the world."

"I don't get what that has to do with-" Sarah starts, only to be hushed by Ellie as she continues her explanation.

"Chuck is many things, but he is not confident when it comes to you. He still considers himself the luckiest man alive because you fell for him, and still has the scared voice of an awkward and nerdy teenager in the back of his head telling him if he does anything, _anything_ wrong, you will leave him."

"But I won't! I would never leave, even after-"

"I know, Sarah." Ellie says, trying to be as comforting as possible. "We all know, except for Chuck. He still thinks he isn't good enough for you, that he won't live up to your expectations. I'm thnk a part of him believes that, if he isn't as good as you remember, or at least as your body remembers, you will leave him."

"So then what do I do?" Sarah asks, her heart breaking. How could this man, this wonderful man, think she will leave him if he doesn't perform as well as he did in her locked away memories? After the past few weeks, how could he think she would leave him at all? Sarah anxiously waits for a reply from Ellie, who seems to be deep in thought. She wipes the last tear from her face, taking a deep breath to calm herself and trying to fill her heart with as much love as she can muster. Though her brain is still holding back some, it surprises Sarah how deeply she cares for Chuck and how many emotions she can draw out. Though, if this is what love feels like, Sarah doesn't know why she would ever leave.

"Sarah, I really don't know. I'm sorry. The best I can offer is to prove to Chuck that you love him, that you don't care how he was before. Prove to him all that matters is the two of you being together, and how much you love each other."

"But how do I do that?" Sarah wonders out loud, her heart breaking with ache and want for Chuck. If he were there right now, she would crawl up into his arms and never leave, kiss him until they both are starving for air, and even then only come up when absolutely necessary.

"You did it once before, two and a half years ago. I'm sure you can do it again."

Sarah smiles to herself, trying to come up with a plan. Perhaps seduction could still work, but more of an emotional seduction than a sexual one.

"Thank you, Ellie. Really," Sarah says.

"Anytime," Ellie replies with a smile. "Don't ever be scared to call me, okay? Even if it's something as awkward as my brother's sex life, I am always here to help."

"Are you also going to be there just to chat?" Sarah asks, a smile on her face when she hears Ellie laugh on the other end of the line.

"Well that was a given!" Ellie replies. The two women share one last laugh before a crying Clara causes their conversation to end. Sarah safely files away the new information about her husband into her mind, surprised she still has so much to learn about Chuck through his family.

She starts to wander back to the bedroom, slowly wondering which piece would let Chuck know how much she loves him. Maybe she should've asked Ellie that. Finding the drawers still ransacked, Sarah pulls out some of the more appealing lingerie and lays them out on the bed. None of it really compares to the red flamenco outfit she found hidden at the back of the closet, but somehow that particular piece of clothing brings up bad feelings. Maybe it's just Sarah, or many she is remembering something from before the intersect, but somehow the idea of wearing that to seduce Chuck makes Sarah feel like she is manipulating him.

Would Chuck want to see her in something from before, something to remind him of the old Sarah? Or should she get something new, show him the new her? Why on earth is it still so hard to seduce her husband? Maybe it's even harder now that she knows Chuck feels insecure about this as well. If only she had something that says "sexy seduction" and "I'll never leave you" and "I love you" all in one. Even though Sarah hasn't exactly said those three words to Chuck yet.

Maybe that's it though – maybe he doesn't want to sleep with her until he is sure that it won't just be "sex" but will be "making love". Sarah internally groans a little at the word choice – she never loved the idea of "making love" when all she has known is the physical act of sex. Or, at least all her memory knows. Even with Bryce, it was purely physical. Sure, she cared about him, but not in an "I won't take the shot on the off chance that I'll shoot you" way.

Whoa, where did that come from?

Sarah stands up, shaking her head to clear her mind. She needs something new, something different. Something to show Chuck the new Sarah cares about him in the same ways the old Sarah does. She has no idea what she needs to prove to Chuck that he can trust her again, because essentially she is asking him to trust her with his heart, body and soul, but she knows it isn't at the house.

With her new goal in mind, Sarah throws on something presentable, grabs her purse and heads out the door.

* * *

><p>Sarah is preoccupied, that is for sure. As soon as she walked out of the lingerie store, perfect bustier and garter piece wrapped safely in its bag, she became completely preoccupied with plans for that evening. The lingerie is perfect – shows enough skin while still being conservative, and has a bit of that innocent side to it that Sarah sees in all her pieces at home. She definitely likes the way it makes her feel, the way she can see herself finally being with Chuck after wearing it. She just hopes Chuck agrees.<p>

She spent the next hour preparing, calling up their favorite restaurant (when did they get a favorite restaurant? Perhaps sometime in between sleeping in the same bed and wanting to sleep together) and arranging for them to deliver a romantic dinner for a half hour before Chuck arrives, finding their candles and placing them around the room, cleaning up the mess on the coffee table and making sure the bedroom is pristine.

A groan leaves her as she safely tucks the lingerie bag underneath the bed and Sarah leaves the house for her two classes of the evening. She should still be home over an hour before Chuck, but now that all the preparations are done and all that is really left is to wait and get dressed once she is home, Sarah's mind begins to wander.

For the first class she teaches, a group of yellow belt pre-teens, Sarah is mostly able to focus on the class. Today's lesson is the first of offensive techniques since the class started, and all of the students are really interested in finding out how to hit and attack. Sarah tries to drill into them that a good offense is always a good defense, and that they should draw on the skills they've learnt the last few months to really get through the class. But she can't help her mind questioning how much defense and how much offense she should be using on her attack that evening.

By the time she has dismissed her pre-teens and is halfway into her adult class, Sarah's mind is nowhere near the class. Luckily they are just practicing sparing exercises, so Sarah can let her body move by memory as she tries to figure out the best way to kiss, the most erotic position to place her hands on Chuck, the best way to venture into the bedroom. But when Jackson, a thirty one year old accountant and the best student in her class, is able to land a punch that Sarah knew how to block, Sarah focuses on clearing her mind for the rest of class.

It works, for the most part. Only two other students managed to get a pass on her, which is either saying she is really off her game, or is an amazing teacher. Regardless, when she is able to dismiss the class at quarter to five, Sarah is out the door to the studio before all of her students.

She races home, trying to talk herself down. "He wants you, Sarah. Not anyone else. You can do this. You've seduced drug lords and undercover agents and assassins. You can seduce your own husband." She repeats the first and last lines of her mantra over and over again, until they barely sound like words anymore and Sarah is pretty sure she can't go through with it. What if she fails? What if Chuck rejects her? What if she seduces him and the sex is terrible? What if she doesn't live up to his expectations? There are way too many variables here, and even though Chuck has said he loves her and clearly wants her if his morning (and afternoon, and night) reactions are any indication, what if the variables just don't add up properly this time.

Entering the house, she looks around at the pristine living room and the candles and the immaculately set table, and finds herself completely alone. As a spy, it was never a bad thing to feel alone. Being alone means no one can hurt you, and no one will ever know your secrets. But right now all Sarah wants to do is grab the phone, call up Chuck and cuddle with him on the couch. Screw sex, she wants Chuck to hold her and tell her it is going to be okay and that he loves her and that these insecurities she never knew existed are all warranted, but completely unnecessary. For once in her life, Sarah Walker doesn't want to be alone.

And then it hits her.

"Dammit." Sarah says, tears slowly filling up her eyes. She walks to the couch, dropping her bag next to her and pulling her knees up to her chest. "How did the nerd do it?"

She leans back, her head over the edge of the couch, and lets out a small laugh. Her head comes back up as the guffaws grow louder, her laughs mixing with the tears on her face and suddenly Sarah can't even tell if she is crying because she is laughing or laughing because she is crying. All because that stupid nerd found a way to weave into her heart.

She must have looked like a mess by the time she answers the door, having spent the ten minutes she was planning on using to shower sitting on the couch completely consumed by her new revelation. The delivery boy, bless him, doesn't say a word and hands over the bag of food with a shocked expression. Sarah hands him way too much money, but insists he keep the change as a tip. She drops the bag of food on the counter, the smell of roasted potatoes and chicken filling up Sarah's nose, but she ignores it and begins walking back to the couch.

She takes a second look at the photos on her way, one of her and Chuck on their wedding day, a photo of them in ridiculous costumes on Halloween, and one taken only a few weeks ago, the two of them laughing with Morgan and Alex on the fountain in the courtyard. And while the first two photos are great, Sarah sees her emotions reflected back through the third. It isn't the product of four years, it isn't the product of being undercover spies.

It is love; pure and simple, from a woman to a man.

The next thing she knows, Sarah has grabbed the one thing she vowed never to watch, for fear of only having memories of the video and never really remembering the event. But does it matter now if she remembers? Or does it just matter how she feels? Who knows if her memories will ever come back? And anyways, they can always make new memories.

As Sarah collapses back on the couch, tears being held back by willpower alone, dinner forgotten on the counter and the lingerie forgotten in her bedroom, she only has one regret about this moment. That Chuck isn't here watching it with her.

* * *

><p>When Chuck finally gets home, the streetlights are already lit and the sun has long past set. He rubs his free hand down his face and lets out a long yawn before finally reaching into his pockets to find his keys. Between the computers crashing, a small power outage and Morgan accidentally locking them inside of Castle, the day could not have ended sooner. Nothing appeals more to Chuck right now than collapsing into bed, curling up with Sarah at his side, and sleeping for days.<p>

He opens the door and walks into the living room, too tired to even call for Sarah that he is home. The first thing he notices is the wafting smell of chicken and potatoes, which instantly draws his eyes to the kitchen. A bag sits unopened on the counter, the table is set, there are candles set up everywhere but none of them are lit. Next Chuck notices the music, a familiar tune starting up. His head whips back into the living room, and he can see the widest smile on his own face staring back at him through the television. Half a second later, the camera angle flips and Sarah, his beautiful Sarah, is walking down the aisle towards him.

Chuck smiles himself, but it is drained. He can tell he isn't smiling as wide or as happily as he was during the video. Maybe it's fatigue from the day at work, maybe it's fatigue in never knowing when Sarah will finally let him in. He doesn't know where Sarah is, maybe she accidentally left the video on and went to bed. He stands watching the video, up so far until they begin their vows, when Chuck walks toward the television to turn it off. No use watching it and reliving the memories when there are new ones to make, when every second is a second he can use to convince Sarah to love him again.

But he stops, three steps away from the television, when he hears a female voice speaking along with the one on the screen. "_Chuck, you're a gift. You're a gift I never dreamed I could want or need and everyday I will show you that you're a gift that I deserve." _The voice is a whisper compared to the one on screen, but the whisper means so much more in this moment than the words said at the altar._ "You make me the __best person I could ever hope to be. And I want to spend and learn and love the rest of my life with you."_

Chuck watches as another drop of liquid rolls down the tear streaked cheeks of his wife, hidden from view before as she is lying on the couch. Her eyes are closed. She doesn't need to watch anymore to be able to say the words; she is repeating them all on her own.

"Sarah," Chuck whispers, sitting down on his knees so he is level with her on the couch. Her eyes shoot open, and it takes a moment for her to focus on his face. Her eyes soften realizing that he is indeed in front of her and not on the screen, yet another tear falls down her face.

"Hey! Hey, whoa, Sarah! Why are you crying?" Chuck says, his voice soft and soothing as a finger runs under Sarah's eyes to wipe the growing tears.

"I'm just… I…" Sarah stammers, trying to stifle her tears and get back to reality. "We said those… before…"

"Said what?" Chuck asks, his hand smoothing out Sarah's hair. He turns to look at the screen, currently showing the happy couple sharing their first kiss. "How many times have you watched that video?"

"I… a lot…" Sarah says. She rearranges herself to a sitting position, a hand nervously moving through her hair. "Chuck… tell me. Did we have a run through? I have this memory of those vows, but with a doily for a veil and twist ties for rings and I just… I need to know if I'm making it up or if it's true. I've watched that video so many times now… I just…"

"Sarah," Chuck says, interrupting his wife from her continued ramblings. "Yes. Yes, we had a run through, in the kitchen, with a doily for a veil and twist ties for rings. Your vows were perfect, mine… needed some work. I can't believe," Chuck breaks off his excitement with a kiss. A mind shattering, earth bending kiss filled with his amazement and love and excitement over Sarah remembering something else.

When they finally pull out for air, Sarah smiles and says four words, and they are still the best four words Chuck has ever heard in his life. "I love you, Chuck."

"Really?" Chuck asks, his uncertainty about Sarah still showing through and suddenly Sarah can see the insecurities Ellie had described in her brother.

"Really," Sarah replies. "I love you, Chuck Bartowski, and I know exactly what to do about it." She reaches down to Chuck, who is still sitting on the floor, and pulls him back into a kiss. This one is tender, loving, filled with emotion. Sarah lets her tongue slowly explore Chuck's mouth, gives him the same opportunity before they finally release each other.

Sarah still has red eyes and tear stains, her hair is a mess from laying on the couch and her lips are slightly puffy and swollen, and yet to Chuck she has never looked better in her life. Because she loves him. It is real again and the nerd can get the girl. Twice.

"Take me to bed, Chuck Bartowski." Sarah says, her voice quiet. "I love you, you're my husband, so take me to bed."

"Yes ma'am," Chuck replies. Any fatigue he may have been feeling before, gone out the window. He scoops Sarah up into his arms, pauses quickly to turn off the DVD then swiftly carries her to the bedroom all the while her lips never stopping their exploration along his neck, cheek, jaw and shoulder.

He places Sarah down carefully, their lips staying molded to one another. Sarah's hands skirt along the bottom of Chuck's button down and slowly she untucks the shirt and undershirt from Chuck's pants. Instantly her hands are underneath, caressing the skin at Chuck's back and she doesn't hold back her moan of pleasure when Chuck's hands find their way to her own bare skin.

Moans of pleasure, articles of clothing and many more "I love yous" are thrown around the room as Chuck and Sarah explore this new yet oh so familiar piece of their relationship. When Chuck lays Sarah down on the bed, the only articles of clothing still adorning her body the boyshorts and sports bra she had on for work and Chuck clad only in boxers, Sarah can't help but let out a small laugh. Of all the pieces of clothing she thought would get Chuck in bed, boyshorts and a sportsbra were down near the bottom with "scuba suit" and "parka".

"What is it?" Chuck asks, his fingers skirting up and down her bare stomach. He leans down and places a kiss on her neck, and slowly begins moving down her body.

"No, no." Sarah replies, trying to keep her mind focused as Chuck's lips find her belly button. "I just… I had a plan."

"A plan?" Chuck asks, his lips stopping their trail down Sarah's body. "A plan to what?"

Sarah shakes her head, holding back any more laughter that is threatening to bubble out. "No, no way. You keep doing what you were doing."

Chuck makes a show of moving his body off of Sarah's and scooting his way back up the bed. He lays down next to her, places a soft kiss on her nose and says, "No way Sarah. You withhold information, I withhold… other things." His face reddens a little, still embarrassed to talk about sex even when they are about to have sex.

"Seriously?" Sarah asks, her body yearning for Chuck's hands and lips back. "I was planning on seducing you."

"Seducing me?"

"Well this morning you didn't seem too keen on getting me into bed, and I figured it was about time." She says, the idea sounding idiotic now that she has said it out loud.

"About time to seduce me for sex?" Chuck asks.

Sarah nods sheepishly, wishing they could finish this awkward discussion and get back to the kissing, when she is interrupted by a loud laugh from her husband.

"So that is what was up with the candles and the take out?" Chuck asks.

"And the food has probably gone bad by now anyways." Sarah replies. When Chuck laughs louder, Sarah rolls over with a pout on her face. "Chuck, it isn't funny. I went to a lot of trouble and it seems I didn't need to do any of it."

Chuck sighs, a hand reaching out to rub Sarah's arm. "Sarah, you never had to seduce me to get me to sleep with you. Just knowing you are ready, that you want it as much as I do, was all I ever needed to hear."

Sarah rolls back over to Chuck. "So then why all the awkwardness every time you got a boner?" She asks bluntly.

Chuck's face reddens, but her replies anyway. "I thought you weren't ready, and I didn't know how you would react, and I thought it was better if I just left… and now I am realizing that is the dumbest thing ever because you're a girl and a spy and obviously you've seen guys in that condition and I'm your husband and wow I really did make a lot of morning awkward didn't I? Why didn't you say something when I-"

Now it is Sarah's turn to shut up Chuck's ramblings with a kiss. "I love you." Sarah says, her heart swelling at the smile on Chuck's face brought on by those three words. "And let's just forget those awkward moments and continue with this one, okay?"

Chuck laughs, but nods as he leans in for another kiss. This time he breaks off down Sarah's neck and sucks on the spot he knows makes her go wild, the spot he hasn't kissed since before the intersect debacle. It gives him the expected result – a lusting and panting Sarah grabbing him back so she can devour his lips.

Sarah stops Chuck as he is going for her sports bra, and she smiles mischievously at him. "You know… there is one other thing I got in preparation for tonight."

"Oh really?" Chuck asks, playing along. "And what might that be?"

"Give me two minutes and I'll show you," Sarah replies, slipping out from underneath her husband and grabbing the bag from under the bed before running off to the bathroom to change. "I'll be five minutes, tops!"

Chuck sees the bag. He sees the _Victoria's Secret_ logo on the side. And he knows exactly what is coming. "You are going to be the death of me!" He yells, a laugh in his voice.

"I love you!" Sarah's voice calls down the halls.

"I love you too." Chuck whispers, his smile a mirror image of Chuck from a year ago, of Chuck waiting at the altar, of Chuck who knows he is going to spend the rest of his life with this wonderful, brilliant, amazing woman.

* * *

><p>And I believe you can imagine what happens from here on :)<p>

* * *

><p>Thanks for reading guys!<p>

I really don't have that much to say right now - I should never make deadlines again. Self imposed or otherwise. The next chapter will be up when its up (when I write it basically) but I really hope you enjoyed this one! It has been lots of fun getting back into these characters!

Love you lots, please review because they make me happy and make it seem like I should write quicker to please you!

Hugs, BrittJK


	6. Chapter 6

Hi Everyone! :)

To say I suck when it comes to updating could be the understatement of the year. But to be honest, I just lost inspiration, or motivation, or something. But I made a goal for myself to finish this story by the end of 2012, and I'll be damned if I don't! This chapter was half written since pretty much the last chapter being posted, but I am glad to say I finished it last night, edited it today and hope it finishes off the story nicely. :)

Reminder I don't own anything, I just love delving into these characters.

I hope this ending does you all justice. Just take it as a little Christmas/Holiday Present from me. :)

Also, thanks to EVERYONE who comes back to read off this 4000 word ending! :)

* * *

><p>Heart vs. Brain, Chapter 6<p>

* * *

><p>It started with the little things. The way he whistles sometimes as he brushes his teeth. How when they kiss, sometimes he'd pull away and smile at her, as if he is the luckiest man in the world to be holding her in his arms. Or how when they go walking in the park, he always <em>always<em> needs to get ice cream, and playfully forces her into sharing a sundae every time.

Then it was the bigger things. His utter compassion for everyone around him – he never does anything for himself unless everyone else is taken care of already. If it is a choice between his own inconvenience and that of hers, he is always the one going out of his way. His complete nerdiness – he can get lost in a video game for hours, only to resurface 2AM for nourishment and delve right back in. He is able to start up a working software company in only a few months (no help from the computer in his head, might she add). And while sometimes it is annoying to watch the same movie over and over, it is still really endearing, adorable and just utterly _him_. Then there is his love – that man could love a pet fish for the three hours that he could keep it alive, and still cry at its flushing funeral an hour later. And to top it all off, absolutely nothing could touch his friends or family without his love getting in the way. Absolutely nothing.

Finally, it ends with the biggest thing: Him. Though she probably could have said it much earlier, in December of 2012 there was no doubt in Sarah Walker's mind that she is in love with Chuck Bartowski. Wiped brain or not. Memories or not. Sarah Walker, no, Sarah Bartowski is in love. And always will be.

* * *

><p>"I'm thinking of growing my hair out," Sarah says, a box of decorations in her hand as she walks into the living room.<p>

"Really? I kind of like it all short and cute." Chuck says, dropping his box and moving to Sarah, one hand instantly wrapping itself around her waist and the other playing with a strand that has gotten loose from her ponytail.

"It just… it doesn't feel like me." Sarah says, her eyes dancing with the look Chuck is giving her. "I just… maybe I'll remember more if I had my old hair back?"

Chuck smiles, placing a chaste kiss on his wife's lips. "Whatever you want, sweetie. You could probably rock the bald look and no one would look twice."

Sarah rolls her eyes, but gives him a playful kiss back. The box in her hand drops to the floor when Chuck grabs her, deepening the kiss and dragging his lips from her mouth to her neck. In their short few weeks of venturing into the sexual side of their relationship, Chuck seems to have discovered all of the places that used to make Sarah go wild still work. Sarah, however, is not at all angry that she has to discover them all for herself.

"Chuck," Sarah moans as Chuck hits that spot on her shoulder, just there, that makes her knees weak and the box in her hand drop to the floor. Good thing it was just tinsel.

"Sarah…" Chuck mumbles against her skin, his teeth grazing behind her ear. The two begin backing up, headed towards where the couch normally is, only for Chuck to stumble on the myriad of boxes and the two of them to go crashing down.

Sarah is the first to laugh, starting low in her throat and ending as a large gaffaw as she stares at the toppled tree in what once was their living room but now looks more like the Christmas display from the Buy More. Chuck slowly joins in, their laughter filling the room.

This is another thing Sarah loves. It doesn't feel weird, or forced, or strange that she is in a Chuck/Christmas tree sandwich. It isn't even weird that she has a Christmas tree in her living room, or is decorating only hours before their guests arrive. It just feels right. It feels right, because Chuck is there with her.

"Well that was a fun little foray into being a lumberjack, but let's never do that again, okay?" Chuck asks, groaning as Sarah attempts to stand without completely crushing him.

"Deal," She replies, a hand reaching out to help Chuck up. "But no more sneaking off for a quickie – your sister is coming into town in three hours and we still have a half decorated Christmas tree!" Sarah points to the tree to make her argument, the toppled fir only decorated near the top while most of the tinsel and ornaments now scatter the floor nearby.

"Well, if you didn't want to go to bed so early last night…" Chuck says, leaning down to grab the tree.

"Oh, don't you dare blame that on me! You were the one who was so adamant that Christmas Eve Eve is a special holiday where all husbands must ravish their wives…"

"You weren't complaining last night." Chuck's comment is greeted by a playful punch in the arm and the fir falls once again to the ground.

"Oh, just quiet you and keep building the tree. This is the first real family holiday I'm going to have since…"

Chuck leaves the tree on the ground and moves to Sarah, his arms wrapping around her from behind.

"Sarah, are you nervous? You have absolutely nothing to be afraid of."

Sarah sighs, her body unconsciously leaning back into Chuck's. "I know but… what if they don't like me? What if I don't like them?"

"Sarah!" Chuck says, his voice shocked. "They loved you the first time, what makes you think they won't love you again?"

"The first time I had nothing to live up to." She mutters, almost too quiet for Chuck to hear. He doesn't say anything, just squeezes her tighter and places a kiss in her hair. The two stand in silence, surveying the beautiful Christmas decorations with a fallen tree in the middle. So tragic, yet so much like their life. Everything in order with the one most important part knocked down and unable to be righted on its own.

"Sarah, trust me. You've spent time with each of them one on one and you've been…"

Sarah gives Chuck a glare then rolls her eyes. So, maybe she isn't the best with new people. Maybe it took three days out of Ellie's week in town for Sarah to be able to spend more than five minutes alone with her sister in law. Maybe the only time Sarah isn't facing uncomfortable silence with Casey is when they're at the gun range. Maybe it took even longer for Sarah to be able to handle Morgan the second time around. Maybe the only people Sarah could spend time with instantly were her mom and Molly, if only because she had memories of them from before. But after a few days alone with each of them, she found herself really enjoying spending time with the members of her new family.

Perhaps she could do this. How bad could one large gathering be?

"I've been what?" Sarah asks, wanting to see how Chuck will get out of this one, even if he is right.

"Well… no one got killed or maimed… and Morgan's leg healed up nicely after that laser tag debacle… but I can tell you without a doubt Ellie will hate you if you leave the tree like this." He says, earning another glare and a playful swat.

"Not funny!"

* * *

><p>"So how is work?" "Miss being out in action yet, Walker?" "You grew your hair out!" "Hey Clara, Auntie Sarah sure has some great stories to tell you!" "Do you remember when?" "How many times have I told you?" "What about…?" "And that time…" "How is…?"<p>

Her heart is pounding, a smile plastered on her face, a glass of wine in her hand, Molly sitting on her lap babbling happily to Chuck about how she wishes soccer wasn't over for the year, and hundreds of questions and conversations aiming themselves directly at her. She doesn't know who to answer first, or what to answer, or what they expect her to say. Most of these people Sarah has only seen less than ten times, and the majority of the earlier interactions were a brief hello, a smile, then some sort of an excuse to get the hell out of there.

She turns to Chuck, realizing how completely happy he is. Surrounded by friends and family, a crowded living room full of people and laughter and conversations. Everything about him is smiling, from his face to the animated way his hands move to the shine in his eyes. This is where Chuck belongs, but as she keeps trying to avoid questions Sarah is getting more and more closed off.

From across the room, Sarah's mom gives a reassuring smile. Emma is talking with Mary, probably some sort of mom discussion, but her eyes speak volumes. Reassurance, encouragement, maybe even a little sympathy for how out of water she is. Sarah was never one for groups, even as a kid. And now it is all just adding up, especially with all the personal questions, and the people who think they know her, and how _John Casey_ of the NSA is being all chatty and friendly and has his arm around a woman. And really, why are those guys from the Buy More, lewd comments and all, here anyway?

Sarah thinks back on her spy training: what to do when feeling overwhelmed on a mission. Her choices are to explode and bring out the spy, or to remove herself from the situation.

"Excuse me," Sarah says, wine glass passed smoothly to Chuck's hand and Molly placed softly onto the now vacant spot on the couch. The room goes silent as they all watch Sarah make a beeline towards the bedroom.

No one wants to break the silence, until a small, sad voice is heard. "Where did Sarah go? Does she not like me anymore?"

All eyes turn to Molly, the girl pulling her legs up and hugging them as if holding herself together. Her mother quickly rushes to the side of the room, wrapping her arms around the small girl.

"Oh, Molly. Of course Sarah still loves you. She's probably just a little tired, or needs a minute alone. I'm sure she'll be out here ready to talk again in no time." The girl whimpers, but nods her understanding.

"I should go check on her," Chuck says, smiling down at Molly then moving down the hall. "There's more eggnog in the fridge, so feel free to…" His voice trails off as he approaches the door, placing two soft knocks on it. There isn't a lock on the door, but Chuck doesn't think barging in on Sarah right now is the best option.

He doesn't receive an answer, so he tries again. "Sarah," he says quietly to the door. "It's me, please open the door."

"Leave me alone," is the reply.

Chuck sighs, leaning against the doorframe. "Sarah, I'm sorry. This dinner was asking too much of you. Please, just let me in so we can talk."

A half second passes and the door slowly opens. Sarah motions with her head for Chuck to come in, and slowly closes the door behind him. They sit in silence on the bed, half an inch of space between them, before Sarah leans over and places her head onto Chuck's shoulder.

"Chuck, please don't be sorry." She says, her eyes closing as she breathes in his comforting scent. "It's me who isn't ready. This is your dinner, and your family, and I'm the one who is ruining it all."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Chuck says, a hand moving to lift Sarah's face so he can look in her eyes. "This isn't my anything. This is _our_ family, and it wouldn't be the same without you here. Okay?" He leans in, placing a soft kiss on her lips. "If you need some time alone before coming back out, I'll make sure we wait for you to open presents."

"But I don't-" Sarah starts, only to be cut off by another kiss.

"No. I pushed you too fast again, and I know we talked about this before, so take all the time you need, okay?"

"I won't ruin it for you if I'm not out there?"

Chuck shakes his head, running a hand through Sarah's hair. "It would ruin it for me if you were out there, feeling like you needed to run away, rather than you staying here and coming back out when you're ready. "

Sarah looks down at their tightly clasped hands, a small tear forming in her eyes. "I was so excited for today… I thought I was ready. I thought…"

"It doesn't matter," Chuck replies, his lips placing a reassuring kiss on her forehead. "All that matters is you being happy. We can always do the big family thing again for Easter, or next Christmas, or the Easter after that."

Sarah laughs, knowing that no matter how dorky he sounds, they will be together for the next fifty Easter and Christmases.

"I just thought I could handle it. I thought I was ready. But… I've never dealt with all of them… together. At once." Sarah lets out a moan. "I'm a grown woman for goodness sake! And a spy! I should be able to handle this!"

"I know. They're a lot. And you're doing great. Just take as long as you need. I'm sure everyone understands." Chuck says, trying to be reassuring. The two sit in silence for a few moments, hearing someone yelling and a small crash from outside, followed by Ellie yelling "Everything's fine!" loud enough for the whole complex to hear.

"You should probably get back out there," Sarah says, her body betraying her words as her hands cling to his with a vice grip.

"They can do without me for a little bit longer." Chuck replies, pulling Sarah down with him onto the bed. He removes his hands from hers, wrapping them around her body to pull her close. Sarah smiles, resting her cheek on Chuck's chest, the comforting sound of his heartbeat reassuring her that everything is going to be okay.

"Maybe just a little bit," Sarah replies, her arms moving to wrap around Chuck, her body rearranging itself so their mouths can touch.

They stay wrapped up together, sharing reassuring kisses and small, comforting hand movements. Eventually Chuck agrees, no matter how much he wants to stay with Sarah in their tiny world forever, family is waiting outside and dinner is about ready and he doesn't want the turkey to dry out, knowing Ellie would leave it in the oven as long as she can without Chuck and Sarah outside to eat. He urges Sarah to stay alone until she is ready, reminds her that he will check on her and bring some dinner if she isn't out before they start eating, and that it is okay to feel overwhelmed.

Sarah nods her understanding, watching Chuck fix the small tussle in his hair then walk out the door, leaving her alone with her thoughts in a house full of people she should know.

But she doesn't know them. That's the problem here, isn't it? Chuck knows them, and they all know her, but she doesn't know them. Not well enough, at least. Not as much as she feels she should. Why on earth did Sarah think this was a good idea? Trying to build a life with someone she doesn't know? Someone who's someones she doesn't know?

Well, that isn't exactly true now, is it? Sarah knows Chuck, she loves Chuck. She just doesn't know the rest of the people in his life, because most of them aren't here in Burbank anymore, or haven't been patient with Sarah the way Chuck has. It's just, this new life will never work. Not for Sarah, not now. And what is she even fighting for? A crowded room with loud people all taking over one another? This isn't what spy Sarah is trained for. This isn't something the new Sarah is sure she can handle. Yeah, maybe she did it once, but can it be done again?

Sarah gets up and begins pacing, her hands running through her hair. God, she wishes she had a punching bag right about now. Push all her fears and anger and insecurity away into the mesh, let the feelings out through her fingers never to be seen again. She instead collapses to the floor, knocking her head on the desk as she hits the ground. She closes her eyes and falls to the floor, cradling her head from the pain. When she opens her eyes, something shiny in the crack between the desk and the wall catches her eye. She reaches her hand in, pulling out the brown book, a bright green bow fastened to the top.

She flips the book over once, noticing nothing unusual about it other than the bow and the fact that a picture album was hiding in their bedroom. Opening the book, however, Sarah notices a small inscription on the brown front page; a golden cursive that says "Happy Christmas, Sarah. The first of many (that you'll remember)". She begins flipping through the pages, expecting to find images of events she'll never re-do, missions long past and photos she can't remember taking.

But that's not what is inside this photo album.

Instead, Sarah is greeted with a very different set of images. Laser tag with Chuck. Her smiling with the first group of kids she ever taught at the studio. Chuck and her eating dinner at a fancy restaurant. A candid of Sarah on their beach. Ellie and Sarah baking in the kitchen that time she came in to visit. Sarah teaching Molly how to ride a bike. Sarah and Chuck with a sundae at the park. Simple moments. Moments Sarah treasures. Moments Sarah remembers.

As she continues to flip through the album, Sarah's mind becomes clear.

The life she wants with Chuck, the one pictured in the image of Sarah laughing as Chuck holds up a badly carved pumpkin, the one she can remember in the photo of their board game tournament with Morgan and Alex, the one she can see in the future as they stand outside their "almost-house", that is what matters.

So, Sarah can't deal with all the people at once. "They're still family, right?" Sarah asks herself, pausing as she hits the last page. She smiles to herself, a hand coming to rest over her mouth and a tear forming in her eye. How on earth does Chuck do it? How does he know exactly what Sarah needs at exactly the right time?

Sitting on the last page of the photo album are two photos. One, from however many years ago when they had their first small family Christmas together, and right next to it is the photo they had taken earlier that evening of the whole "family". Though the people look older and there are a few new additions in the photo on the right, the look in Sarah's eyes are the same. They show belonging, happiness and shine with love for the man who, incidentally, is not looking at the camera but is instead looking at the blond beside him.

Sarah lets her head fall back against the desk, and a lone tear falls down from her cheek. Maybe she can do this. Maybe she can be the person they all think she can be. Maybe she's already there. After all, both Sarah's in the photos share the same smile, the same look, the same happiness. And a picture doesn't lie, not when a spy isn't trying to hide anything.

As Sarah closes the book, a soft knock is heard on the door followed by Chuck entering the room. He quietly closes the door and, upon seeing what Sarah is holding in her lap and the tears in her eyes, sits down next to Sarah on the floor.

"I see you've found my gift," he whispers.

"It's amazing." Sarah beams. "Amazing."

Chuck smiles and places a light kiss to Sarah's hair. The two sit in amicable silence for a few moments, a true test of how far they've come since that second night on the beach. After a while, Sarah leans her head onto Chuck's shoulder, breathing in his scent. Chuck notices the change in her, the way she seems so much calmer than a few moments earlier.

"Sarah," Chuck says, "Do you think you're okay to come out? Molly is getting hungry and Ellie says the turkey will burn if we leave it in any longer…"

Sarah nods then adds, "Five more minutes? You're very comfy today."

Chuck nods back and turns his neck to place another kiss on Sarah's head. "I have one more gift for you, if you want. You know, for Christmas and everything. It's a little early, but I kind of want to give you this one in private."

"I would love it." Sarah says, though she somehow thinks she knows what gift Chuck will be giving her. When Chuck pulls out the box, Sarah's eyes light up. She smiles wide, her eyes shining as she opens it and she is quick to pull Chuck in for a thank you kiss.

"Let's go out to everyone," Sarah exclaimed, finally ready to face their family, even if only in small bursts for a while. The two get up and Chuck helps clasp Sarah's gift onto her wrist.

"I'm taking it you like the gift then?" he asks as the two head towards the door.

"I love it." Sarah replies. "An oldie, but a goodie. Just like you."

Chuck pauses for a moment, eying Sarah, but decides not to bring it up. Perhaps she will never get her memory back, but as long as they can continue making new ones together and with their family, Chuck will never want anything more.

The two walk into the kitchen, Ellie apologizing for the Turkey already being on the table because "it would've burnt and been too dry", Devon replying that a dry turkey is "not awesome" as Morgan and Molly fight over who gets the wishbone while Casey starts carving without anyone's consent to which the whole table begins loudly yelling that Chuck should've cut the first piece and Jeff and Lester begin diving for the legs while Clara starts crying, and suddenly the entire room is in chaos. Chuck looks over at Sarah, the pair having quietly sat in their seats as the pandemonium began. Sarah takes a deep breath and looks over at Chuck, a laugh bubbling to the surface. Her right hand moves to cover her mouth, the charm bracelet dangling off her wrist.

She is part of the family now, part of this group of misfits. And it might take her a little longer to be comfortable, it might take her a few more gatherings with alone time interspersed, but she will be damned if she doesn't try to love them as much as they love her.

And finally, at the end of all this madness, her heart and brain agree on one thing. This is going to be the toughest mission Sarah will ever take on, but she is going to love every minute of it.

* * *

><p>~Fin~<p>

* * *

><p>I hope you all liked it! It seems finding photos for Sarah is a thing she does a lot, but something that helps her maybe remember just what she is fighting for. I kind of changed the ending from what was originally planned because I thought this was way more realistic than Sarah getting all her memories back.<p>

I hope you liked the ending! I am just glad I could finish this off before the year is up! :)

Happy Holidays to everyone, and a happy new year!

BrittJK


End file.
